Growing up, faith was woven into every aspect of my life. I attended Catholic school, church every Sunday, and received all my sacraments. For the majority of my childhood, I didn’t question it. God was the most important part of my life, and don’t get me wrong, I’m still very passionate about my faith, but I don’t feel as connected to my beliefs as I did during my childhood.
As I got older, my world widened, and I grew to face many temptations and challenges that weren’t always there. I no longer went to a religious school; I started to attend mass less often, and my priorities shifted. When the pressures of life increased during my adolescence, I began to focus less on trusting in God and more on finding myself through behaviors that I’m not proud of. I wanted to figure out who I was without worrying about the expectations of others, but in retrospect, all I needed to do was slow down and trust in what I believe in.
Now that I’m an adult, I’m trying to strengthen my beliefs, but it’s certainly challenging. College, temptations, and the pressure to “find myself” caused me to drift away from my spirituality. I put myself into situations that didn’t serve me, entertained people who didn’t value me as a person, and engaged in behaviors that were not productive to my well-being. I started focusing more on Saturday nights and less on Sunday mornings.
Reflecting on my adolescence made me realize that I’ve faced many temptations. Whether it’s been engaging in behaviors to numb myself rather than confronting my feelings or giving pieces of myself to others who aren’t deserving, I’ve struggled more than I’d like to admit. It’s acceptable to make mistakes, but it’s important to reflect on these behaviors and correct them before they turn into a pattern that brings endless guilt and pain.
I’ve come to realize that what I’ve been longing for is not a temporary high, but the stability of my faith. The truth is simple: I will continue to make mistakes, but I will not let them define me or my worth. It’ll take some time, but I’m slowly relearning how to treat myself with grace and live a fulfilling life. Although sometimes I’ll forget to go to mass or formally thank God for my blessings, I will see Him in moments when I least expect it. Through the kindness of a stranger or a beautiful sunset, there will be subtle reminders of how beautiful my life is and how blessed I am to be living it.
I believe that whether it’s tied to a religion or not, the most important thing is to keep faith. For me, my faith in God is what keeps me going, but it may be different for you. Everyone has their own definition of faith. Maybe it’s trusting that things will work out even when you can’t see how or believing in yourself when life feels overwhelming. Whatever form it takes, faith is the anchor that reminds us that we’re not defined by our lowest moments and that we’re always capable of growing into something stronger.