I’ve never really been a New Year’s resolution gal. I’d write lists, draw mind maps, and get started on maybe one or two of my goals… and then forget about them entirely. I’d tell myself, “I’ll get started on that tomorrow!” or “I’ll consider that next month!” But, unbeknownst to future-Rachael, I wouldn’t pursue the milestone in question at all.
However, as someone whose life has taken a lot of turns in the past two years, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I can do to improve my quality of life even more, especially as I consider my aspirations for both career and personal growth. While the New Year November isn’t an emerging trend, it’s an easy way for me to contemplate how I’ll use the holidays to reinvent myself before springtime because I don’t feel the immediacy of the actual New Year’s. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and I don’t want to quantify my months in terms of how much progress I’ve made. Bringing statistics into my personal life makes me sad! It’s reductionist.
I’ve realized that part of why I never ran after my annually abandoned goals (and something I’m still working through now) is fear, like of the possibility that I might be better prepared in the future, or that I’m an impostor who isn’t actually well equipped for the opportunities I come across.
While having the scaries is valid, especially when dipping your toes in new things, it can be debilitating, and we have to make a splash if we want to prove to ourselves we are capable of achieving greatness. So, here are some habits I’ve adopted this November as a precursor to New Year’s to extinguish that fear, strengthen my self confidence, and sharpen my personal skills. They’ve been working for me, and maybe they’ll help you!
be direct
The biggest change I’m making so far is refraining from hedging. To hedge is to use language that conveys a sense of uncertainty or passivity. Basically, it means using words or phrases such as, “I think so,” “kinda,” and “usually.” All of these are semantic indicators that you’re unsure of what you’re saying. Don’t say, “not really” or “I don’t know” when you don’t want something. N-O is shorter, clearer, and doesn’t leave room for argument!
In the same way, I find myself deleting the fluff in my texts: discrediting phrases like “Only if you want to!” and “Are you sure?” While they do paint you as friendly, these traits come at a cost: overkill on the niceness can come off as disingenuous or anxious, and enables people to take advantage of you. It’s difficult to realize this and have to harden ourselves in turn, but you’ll come across as more confident and knowledgeable of what you want when you stop questioning everyone’s decisions.
staying inquisitive
Another thing I’ve started doing, especially in the age of ChatGPT and media illiteracy, is always asking “Why?” or “What does that mean?”. Not only for the sake of intellectual wanderlust or out of interest for the endeavors of others, but to clarify things for myself. When someone disagrees with me, I’m almost eager to ask why they think so—not to create friction, although this is infinitely useful when confronting someone or setting boundaries, but to determine their thought process and examine how it differs from my own. Why does someone think or behave the way they do, and what can I learn from it?
remaining in the present
To properly remain curious, we need to prevent ourselves from reminiscing on the past, too. I’ve begun telling myself, “Your mind is wandering.” over and over in my head until it blocks out the embarrassing interaction I’m still cringing about, or the silly thing I did earlier that I’m sure at least one person saw. This stops my mind from actively replaying scenarios, but sometimes I don’t even notice something is bothering me until I unpack the emotions fogging my brain, which will never clear up if we cycle through the things that upset us on repeat. Thinking about things you can’t change is a huge mental drain; it distracts you from considering the positive takeaways to be had, or from looking towards ways to avoid them in the future.
conclusion
I never realized how useful these mantras are until I actually began practicing them, but now I can’t imagine not referencing them in my day-to-day life, since some of these problems are subconscious things I never noticed until they were pointed out to me. Remember, November is usually a time of thanks, family, and friendship, but these things can be fostered in yourself, too. So, think about your goals and the ways you might achieve them. Give yourself a reason to celebrate YOU this year!