This Halloween, an unusual trend came across social media: women skipping parties, avoiding costumes, or choosing “modest” alternatives because they’re “someone’s future wife”. What started as a personal choice, quickly revealed a growing pressure for women to self-police their behavior in the name of a hypothetical future husband.
At the same time, videos of women dancing, drinking, or wearing revealing clothes were flooded with a now-familiar, moralizing comment: “someone’s future wife, by the way”. This is a form of digital surveillance, a reminder that the value of a woman is still being tied to how well she fits into a traditional domestic archetype.
Used jokingly or seriously, the comment attempts to recast ordinary behavior as incompatible with long-term commitment. In other words, it assumes that being a “future wife” is less about partnership and more about performance.
Tradwives and Purity Culture
Part of the reason this discourse is spreading is the rise of the tradwife trend. Content creators are romanticizing 1950s homemaking, presenting a carefully curated aesthetic of domestic bliss, soft lighting, frilly aprons, and an implied promise of moral superiority.
While it seems harmless, the message behind it reinforces the patriarchy. Tradwives are portrayed as women who behave quietly, modestly, and are seen as more respectable. So women who don’t follow this pattern of modesty become an easy target for judgment.
Besides that, a Campinas State University study shows that housewives are more likely to develop mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. According to the study, the absence of paid work generated the worst indicators of mental health.
Another force fueling the “future wife” discourse is the resurgence of the purity culture. This belief system ties a woman’s value to her modesty and sexual “cleanliness”.
Women are being encouraged to avoid drinking, partying, dating casually, or wearing revealing clothes not because they personally choose to, but because these behaviors allegedly diminish their value as partners.
Why you should still have fun
Beyond the online discourse, there’s a simple truth that often gets lost: fun is not a threat to your future, but it’s part of your present. Enjoying your life doesn’t make you less respectable, less committed, or less capable of being a good partner someday. It makes you human.
Healthy relationships aren’t built on restriction. They’re built on trust, individuality, and authenticity. Going dancing with friends, laughing loudly, or living spontaneously doesn’t diminish your worth. If anything, it deepens your experiences and allows you to grow up.
The choice of what you should do or wear shouldn’t be up to a man or a social standard. It should be up to you how you want to live your life, without the fear of not being worthy.
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The article above was edited by Alyah Gomes.
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