If you’re a young woman, you have probably been told at some point that girls are catty, women gossip too much, or that talking about people when they aren’t around is immature, petty, or even morally wrong. And while gossip can be (and often is) harmful, what if it isn’t inherently shallow? What if it’s one of the oldest tools humans have for survival, accountability, and even justice? And what if shutting women up by demonizing gossip has been one of society’s quietest control tactics?
Today, gossip usually evokes images of high school bullies and messy group chats (and side chats). But historically, gossip meant something entirely different. In Old English, a godsibb was a close friend, a chosen companion, someone trusted. However, as time progressed, and women’s societal roles changed, the definition of gossip became associated with women’s speech, and often, with women’s power to talk, connect, and question. As women gathered in markets, kitchens, or around birthing beds, their conversations became the subject of scrutiny. Male authorities grew suspicious of what women might be saying when men weren’t present. Unsurprisingly, “gossip” gradually took on a negative tone, one tied to triviality and unreliability.
But what is interesting is that gossip is one of humanity’s earliest and most effective systems of social regulation and even justice. Anthropologists argue that gossip is how early societies enforced norms and societal rules long before laws existed. When a leader became tyrannical, gossip spread. When someone in the community abused power, their reputation paid the price. Rumors protected communities by circulating information that needed to be known. Far from being frivolous, gossip was (and still is) how people relate to one another, warn each other, and hold others accountable.
Official channels didn’t topple some of history’s most oppressive leaders, but by the spread of whispered truths. Revolutions, uprisings, and social movements often begin as murmurs before they erupt into action. Gossip is simply information that travels outside formal structures, which is powerful in its ability to transmit quickly.
However, in modern society, women are the ones scrutinized for gossiping, spreading rumors, talking about one another behind their backs, etc, even though everyone does it. Some argue that the definition of gossiping is talking about someone else who is not present. Not all gossip is destructive. It is not all about spreading rumors that are rude, false, or any other negative definitions that we think of today. There’s a difference between spreading misinformation and sharing necessary truths. Gossip can be a form of care: women warning each other about unsafe situations, confiding in trusted friends about harmful behavior, or speaking openly about things that institutions prefer to keep quiet.
Gossip can strengthen bonds, build networks, and expose behavior that might otherwise stay hidden. Telling women that gossip is morally inferior or socially embarrassing teaches them that speaking, especially speaking critically, is dangerous. If women stop sharing information with one another, then abusive behavior goes unchallenged, unfair practices stay in place, and systems built on silence continue to operate.
All of this being said, however, reclaiming the power of gossip doesn’t mean pretending it’s always good. Gossip can and does hurt people. It can spread misinformation, damage reputations unfairly, or turn into a social weapon. The historical power of gossip isn’t an excuse to justify spreading harmful lies. Empowerment doesn’t come from tearing people down; it comes from sharing information that protects, enlightens, or brings accountability. There’s a difference between saying something true and necessary and spreading a rumor to feel superior, entertained, or included.
The same tool that once helped end tyrannical rule can also fuel bullying in a college dorm. So as you rethink gossip, it’s worth asking yourself a few grounding questions:
- Why am I sharing this?
- Does this help someone?
- Is it fair?
- Is it necessary?
Gossip becomes harmful when the end goal is humiliation, when details are exaggerated, or when the person being talked about has no chance to clarify or defend themselves. Reclaiming gossip means reclaiming responsible communication. It means understanding that women’s voices are powerful. Ultimately, the strength of gossip isn’t in the drama; it’s in the connection, the vigilance, and the courage to speak.