16TH EDITON
This Friday, we have a slew of responses solely from our newer writers! They answered a few different types of questions this week, we hope that these can help someone out there! Keep asking her!
“How do I manage and heal my avoidant attachment style as a former lover girl?”
This is such a valid question, but the good thing is you’re already aware of your avoidance and how it affects your relationships. As a fellow avoidant girly, it is ROUGH. That feeling of regret when you start to realize it’s getting serious and you want to block and leave is so strong, but if you want to heal, then the best way out is through. Unfortunately, you have to be vulnerable and practice with friends who you can trust before attempting it romantically. Showing vulnerability can feel so embarrassing to avoidants, but shockingly, it’s extremely normal. Being an ex- lover girl and becoming avoidant afterward is a form of coping, I’m not going to say it’s the best mechanism, but it isn’t the worst. Don’t let that avoidance consume you, it likely affects you in other aspects of your life, too. Awareness is key in healing and knowing when you actually want to avoid something should be a priority in managing your attachment style. Despite how bad you want to avoid it; there’s a chance of regret simply because you hid behind that defense instead of embracing what you really want!
Avoidants, UNITE!
-Good luck, Azja Farabee, HC Writer
“I have a friend who I constantly invite out, however I never truly get a response or they are always canceling or saying no. They are so supportive; HOWEVER, It feels as if we are so distant so, I don’t really know how to repair our friendship.”
Hi Chicky! I totally understand this. It can be so frustrating to feel like the only person in the friendship that is making all the effort. It leads to moments where we feel like an inconvenience. The first thing I would suggest is to put yourself in their shoes; why are they cancelling? Are they busy with school or work? Are you inviting them to things they don’t like? Sometimes it can be easier to understand why you are feeling distant when you think about the nuances. Try inviting them to something you know they’d want to do and see what happens. If they are supportive of you, I’m sure they would make it known they’d want to be there. If that’s not the case, don’t surround yourself with negative energy! Sometimes friends just grow into different people and go down different paths. I know it can feel impossible to find friends nowadays. But there are so many people out there that match your freak perfectly! Take yourself out on a date!
-Grace Neves, HC Writer
“I love all of my roommates, but two of them want to room without my other roommate next year. I’ve known the ‘left out’ roommate for years and it’s going to be such an awaited conversation… But I need roommates.”
Hey girl, these types of conversations are never ones that anyone wants to participate in, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that your time and honesty are what matter the most in this situation. Having this conversation sooner rather than later gives your ‘left out’ roommate the time they need to find another place to live without feeling rushed. Be honest and give them the space to say how they feel. I won’t lie, it might be awkward, and it might be hard on them too, but I really believe honesty is the best policy in situations like this. This conversation doesn’t have to involve all four of you. A one-on-one talk might actually be more respectful and less overwhelming. You might want to explore your options as well, you will still find roommates regardless of if you stay with your current ones or not, maybe you want to go with the “left out” friend, or maybe you don’t. I’m not sure about the whole situation but try handling the situation with compassion for your friend and be honest and vulnerable with them.
-Victoria Sanchez, HC Writer
“How do you juggle many responsibilities at once as a college student?”
I think all college students can relate to feeling overwhelmed by the many tasks on our plate.The most important thing to remember is to put yourself first. Juggling multiple things at once gets harder once we start to neglect our physical and mental health. Start off by making boundaries for yourself, this includes saying no to things. Sometimes we get burned out by choosing to say yes to things very easily, even if we don’t want to. Remember to keep things under a to do list, but don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t attend to everything in one day. Have priorities but also remember to give yourself some rest and give yourself a little “me time”. College is hard but you are stronger!
-Cassandra Patlan, HC Writer
“Is it ok to despise my boyfriend’s brother? He’s been a jerk to me! How do you think I’ll survive with him if I marry my boyfriend?
It’s tough disliking someone close to your significant other. On one hand, you don’t want to be around the person, but on the other, you know that is a person who is important in your boyfriend’s life. I’d first take time to think about the situation and calmly communicate your feelings with your boyfriend and perhaps set boundaries or come up with a solution for the times you are both around his brother. More than likely, your boyfriend will notice his brother’s actions, now that he is aware of your feelings, and best-case scenario will distance the two of you or try to come up with a solution for this conflict. Remember that you’re dating your boyfriend and not his brother and eventually navigating family functions will become easier.
-Kayleigh Miller, HC Writer