I used to think that when I turned twenty, I would have all the answers to how my future is going to play out. I would know what I want to do, who I want to be, where I want to live, and who I want to go through life with.
Everything would become simple.
Growing up, I had always heard that your twenties will be full of growth, change, and the experience of finding yourself. What I hadn’t heard was how scary and daunting this aspect of life could be; especially when you don’t have everything figured out. I look around me and I am constantly met by people who know exactly what they want in life, and are able to answer those questions I also thought I’d be able to answer. It has taken me a very long time to realize that I don’t need to have everything figured out: I don’t need to know exactly what the future holds.
Perhaps the beauty of life comes from allowing things to unfold naturally, allowing time to take its course. From my experience, a lot of this pressure comes from viewing life as something you can fall behind on. As if there is some sort of checklist for being in your 20s: graduate, plan out your career, fall in love, travel, etc. With this comes the constant comparison to other people, reinforcing the fear of not being on the “perfect” path. But what if the beauty of life is that we all have different timelines, each of us experiencing a life unique to ourselves. Our “perfect” path is what we make it to be.Â
As someone who moved away from home, met my friends in university, and is now living with them, change continues to creep up on me whether I like it or not. Though change can be extremely scary, I’ve learned that it isn’t something to fear, but rather something that can bring about the most amazing outcome: you just have to move with it. Additionally, as someone who likes to have everything planned out, I’ve come to realize that nothing will ever go to plan. However, it is those aspects of life that have taught me more about who I am and where I should be than anything else. Growth doesn’t need to be dramatic and obvious—it happens quietly—in the way my thoughts change, the way I alter my style, and the way I trust myself a little more each year. Though growth can be uncomfortable, forcing me to sit with the emotions I’d rather outrun, there is something comforting about realizing we are not stuck in one place. We are allowed to shift, we are allowed to change.Â
Through all of this, there is something undeniably hopeful about the gap between who I am and who I’m going to become. Uncertainty does not signify failure, it provides an opportunity to grow, learn, and change. There is a form of quiet beauty in having the ability to watch myself change, learning more each year that slowly transforms me into the woman I am to become—the woman I want to be. Though I may have not imagined this to be the position I am in at twenty one, it happens to be exactly where I want to be. I’m starting to believe that the most comforting way to live is to trust that every uncertain moment, not knowing what the future holds, is leading me somewhere where I’m meant to be. And maybe, just maybe, not having it all figured out is the very thing that makes life beautiful.Â