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SBU | Wellness > Mental Health

Dear Abbey…

Abigail Taber Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Dear 13-year-old Abbey, 

First off, let me just say: I am sorry. You are exactly who you need to be for where you are. I should not have judged you so hard: now or even then. You were loud, so I called you obnoxious, but I hear you now. No one was listening to you. You wanted the attention because you were getting none of it where it truly mattered. I wish I could give you a hug.

I wish I could tell your friends to stop making jokes about it and actually acknowledge how much you were hurting. Things will get better, but they will not be perfect. You will eventually feel better, only to feel worse than you’ve ever felt. Some of your most difficult times are ahead. But your favorite things about yourself are still the same. You’re still smart, your grades are as perfect as they can be, you still have cool hair, and you have even better friends. The anchors that keep you grounded are still in place years later.

Your friends love you, Ava is still just a text away (which is shocking even to me now), and Jason’s house is still an escape for when the world seems as if it is burning down around you. So I am sorry, but the only advice I have for you is keep going; that’s all you can do. 

Dear 16-year-old Abbey, 

You don’t need to get into that relationship to feel like a valuable person. But I understand that you don’t know that yet. I understand that saying “no” is the hardest choice you can make. You may beat yourself up for it, but know that it is not your fault. You were not taught that your willingness to say yes has no effect on your value as a person (or girlfriend, or friend, or peer).

Change your hair! Change your clothes! Really dig into what makes you feel like you! There is a lot of life yet; don’t spend this time worrying about it. Everything will happen the way it is meant to. Panicking about what you can’t control won’t help you control it. Yes, I know it’s hard, but it will get better. There will be a time when your heart doesn’t beat out of your chest when you see another person. There will be a time when you do feel beautiful.

I will just warn you: there will still be the lingering thoughts that you are cooking up in your head right now. The habits and coping mechanisms that you are starting to create now will follow you for years to come. Please be gentle, not only for yourself but for me as well. 

Dear 2025 Abbey, 

This is an odd letter to write, seeing as 2025 is not over yet, so technically, I am writing for my past, present, and future selves. I’m glad we’re all here. This year has been the most challenging year of our lives. It feels as if all that we went through to get here was all just to tear us down when we got to a place where we thought we might be, or do, better. Instead, this year has been the most miserable of my life.

I am currently in the midst of the heaviest bout of depression that I have ever been hit with. During moments like these, I find it hard to see around this mess of emotions that I have surrendered myself to. But I am starting to understand that this is just my mind speaking. While I may not know everything about us yet, I know that I will return to a state where I am content figuring it out.

Remember, Abbey, give yourself grace. You can apologize to your past self all you want, but to truly make sure they are validated in their experiences, you have to stop the harmful habits that they created out of necessity. You have to show them that while their pain was valid, that pain is over. Life will be okay again. You don’t have to internalize everything that I or your therapist is saying now, but you do need to have hope.

You need to realize that you do have the energy; every day you get out of bed is a testament to that. You do not want to succumb. I know you. I know what it feels like. So please, Future Abbey, please take everything I’ve said to my past self and repeat it when you need just a bit of hope. While time has passed, my emotions are not much different from those I was feeling when I was a scared, lonely 13-year-old.

Take care of yourself for me,

November 4th, 2025, at 3:40 p.m., Abbey

Abigail Taber

SBU '27

Abigail Taber is a third-year writer for the St. Bonaventure chapter of Her Campus. She enjoys writing about culture, entertainment, and the happenings in her college life. Abigail is excited to be the editor for her chapter this year and to be a part of such a cool organization that centers around the work and interests of women.

Beyond Her Campus, Abigail is the Editor-In-Chief of the literary magazine on campus, The Laurel, the President of SBU College Democrats, the Vice President of the Book Club, a tutor at the Writing Lab, and a volunteer at SBU Food Pantry. Abigail has had her creative writing published in both her high school's and university's literary magazines. She is currently a junior at St. Bonaventure University, triple-majoring in English, Literary Publishing and Editing, and Women's Studies.

In her free time, Abigail, or Abbey to her friends, enjoys reading, listening to music, and thinking of her next tattoo. She is a music trivia master and a known enjoyer of any and all romance books. She hopes to work for a publishing house editing novels in the future. Growing up in a small suburb of Buffalo, New York, Abbey hopes to embody the city-of-good-neighbors attitude.