As a young adult, one of the most challenging parts of life so far that I have always struggled to accept has been the art of letting go. When you’re young, it’s so easy to hold onto things that aren’t meant to stay and the difficulty is realizing that some things aren’t supposed to last forever. Boyfriends, jobs, friends, sports, hobbies, they aren’t what make you who you are. Forcing something to keep going if it’s begging to be set free may be the very thing holding you back from reaching your potential, and simply being happy. Recently, I’ve had to learn this extremely difficult and painful lesson and the secret is this: learning to let go may not be easy, but it’s the best way to protect your peace and learn to accept the things in your life that are not easy.Â
A great podcast to check out if you are going through a self-discovery journey is the Mel Robbins podcast. She has endless podcasts on her Spotify that deal with important things to learn in your early 20s, how to deal with anxiety and pressure, plus a plethora of podcasts about acceptance and learning to deal with things so you don’t end up hurting yourself and those around you.
Nobody wants to have to let go of a good thing, that’s the hardest part. When you’re deep into a friendship or relationship, it can seem like what’s the point of letting it crumble? If you love the person or people you’re with, you’ll do anything in your power to prevent them from leaving, but here’s where you might need a reality check: some people aren’t meant to stay. I was the person that spent so much time and effort (emotional and physical) begging people to text me back, or to do things with me, or even something as simple as talking to me. You don’t want to be that person, because it is exhausting. Constantly being the only person to have their heart in the relationship is tiring and most of all, unfair. It isn’t fair to be the one reaching out all the time and begging your partner or friend to spend quality time together, or to go somewhere, or even return a phone call. If you are finding yourself in this situation, it might be best to say to heck with it and let them.Â
The “let them” theory is as simple as it sounds: let them. Mel Robbins gives a great lesson about this in one episode on her podcast. If someone wants to ignore you to hang out with someone else, or cancels your plans, or doesn’t respond in the first place, then let them. It is a bigger reflection of their character than it is yours in that situation, and practicing the “let them” theory shows you just exactly who your friends are, who is worth your time, and who isn’t. It can really hurt to let people hurt you, but I promise it is in your best interest to let them do what they are going to do, because people don’t change unless they want to change. Doesn’t matter if you really want to go to this ice cream shop that day, or you really want to watch a movie with them later. If they cancel or ignore you or make excuses as to why they “can’t”, let them. It helps you weed out the bad friends from the good ones.Â
For me personally, I had the hardest time letting go of my relationship because it seemed as though it was the best thing that would ever happen to me. We shared countless laughs and made so many memories, and I thought, “I’m expected to just let that go? Absolutely not.” So I fought as hard as I could to make that person stay and threw out countless compromises and planned things for us to do, until I finally realized that I was the one doing all the work. I didn’t want to go through and delete the thousands of pictures, or bundle up the gifts and throw them in a box to collect dust, but I had to. Letting go is the first stage of acceptance, and though it’s hard, it’s a necessary process that you have to go through if you want to heal and move on from what’s hurting you.Â
There will be others. Other friends that you’ll find, other partners that you’ll make memories with and who will love you as you want and need to be loved. There will be other jobs that will come, and other hobbies you will pick up, all in good time. There’s no rush to find everything and have your life figured out by a certain age. Do most people have a timeline in their heads? Yes. Does that mean that you need to conform to either theirs or your own timeline? You can answer that for yourself. There are so many things out there waiting, you just haven’t found them yet. So the next time you get discouraged, just think about the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you. Things may be hard right now, but throughout life, you’ll find your people, whether platonically or romantically, and you’ll get a job and take up a hobby and fulfill all those check marks that are on your list, but in order to add something, it has to have a place to go. Letting go is a necessary part of life, and admittedly, it is hard to accept. But once you begin to let things go, even simple things like that old stuffed animal you had, or the empty jar of peanut butter in the cupboard, life will get a little bit easier, because you’re making room for new things to settle in your life.Â