It’s easy to get caught up in the power that you get from compliments, praise, and boosts to the ego. From TikTok videos about how to social climb to “self-help” books focused on exerting power over others, we are surrounded by people telling us how external validation can make our lives better.
This is true. Obviously, the more that people like you, the more influence you will have, and with influence comes opportunities.
But the people who give you confidence can take it away just as easily. When your self-worth comes from external validation, who will you be when you aren’t being validated?
Will you become bitter, angry, or depressed? Will you feel like you need to bring others down to your level just to feel better? The person you become may surprise you.
I am guilty of equating my self-worth to my grades. Every time I get an A or realize that what is difficult for others seems obvious to me, I get cocky.
Deep down, I do not think that anyone is better than anyone else, and if they were, it definitely wouldn’t be because of something as meaningless as grades. But when something gives you a sense of superiority, power can take precedent over rational thought.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself for getting the grade you worked hard for. However, if my self-worth is dependent on having a perfect GPA, I will feel less of a person if my grades drop in the slightest (and that’s just silly).
Maybe you are someone who doesn’t care much about grades. Maybe your vice is male validation or your parents’ approval. Maybe you need to be the strongest, the fastest, or the prettiest. Or maybe you just need everyone to like you.
Whatever your source of validation is, if it does not come from you telling yourself, “No matter what score I get or no matter how many guys come up to me tonight, I know my worth,” it needs to be watched.
Validation from others feels good. It’s okay to let it make you happy. But it is not okay to let it take over.
It can be hard to look deep inside yourself and recognize your power without someone pointing it out to you.
When no one is telling you that you are great, it is easy to doubt yourself. But just because someone does not see something in you, it does not mean that it isn’t there.