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SBU | Wellness > Mental Health

I Can’t Be Everyone’s Everything

Adria Hoadley Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

There are some days when I just can’t. I can’t go to the store with you. I can’t go out to dinner with you. I can’t stay up watching movies with you. Just because I can’t, doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I want to be there for my friends, and trust me, if I could, I would do anything for them, but sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard to be there for everyone else when some days it’s a struggle to even be there for myself.  

I want to be the person who replies to messages right away. I want to be the daughter who spends time with my family. I want to be the friend who is always available to vent to. I want to be the person who remembers everyone’s birthday. I want to go above and beyond for the people I love, but honestly, sometimes I just can’t. 

I hate that about myself. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t want to spend time with them. I don’t want everyone to think that I’m self-absorbed or too busy for them. I don’t want anyone to question how much they mean to me, but at the end of the day, I need to mean something to myself.  

It’s hard when my heart feels heavy, and I have to use all my strength to hold it together. I’m stressed, overwhelmed, and honestly burnt out. Sometimes I feel like life is moving so fast, and I’m running as fast as I can, trying to catch up. Instead of running towards people, I run away. When I pull back, it’s not because I don’t care; It’s because I’m stopping to tie my shoes and make sure that I’m ready to finish the race. 

It’s taken me a long time to realize that taking a break doesn’t make me a bad person; it makes me human. I don’t avoid people because I don’t love them. I’m simply trying to figure out how to love myself. 

I wish I had more energy. I wish I could spend all day with my friends. I wish I could say yes to plans without having to think twice. I wish I could listen to your problems all day, but if I did, I wouldn’t have time to listen to my own. 

The reality is: I can’t give my all to you, because I wouldn’t have anything left to give to myself.  

So maybe sometimes I cancel plans or answer your text a day late, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’m just figuring out how to be there for you while also being there for myself. Once I catch my breath, tie my shoes, and get back up on my feet, I promise I’ll finish the race— with you right by my side.  

Adria Hoadley

SBU '26

Adria Hoadley is a senior at St. Bonaventure University from Union Springs, New York, and this is her third semester writing for Her Campus. Writing has always been her creative outlet, and she loves sharing her voice.

As a psychology major, Adria is passionate about mental health and often uses that topic to motivate her articles. After graduating with her undergraduate degree from SBU in the spring, she hopes to go on and get her master’s degree in school counseling. Apart from Her Campus, Adria is involved with several other clubs on campus and enjoys volunteering in her free time.

Outside of school, Adria enjoys spending time with friends, getting coffee, listening to music, and online shopping. Although she loves a fun night out, she can usually be found staying in and binge-watching Grey's Anatomy while brainstorming ideas for Her Campus articles.