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Virginia Tech | Culture

Long-term Relationships: How to Get Out of a Rut

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Jenna Mason Student Contributor, Virginia Tech
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Virginia Tech chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

After being with someone for almost four and a half years, sometimes relationships feel more like a chore than a want. Living with your partner over time has the possibility to bring some periods of time where disagreements seem to be nonstop, you both have difficulty communicating and connecting with each other just seems hard. When those times do happen to arise, here are some tips to help you and your partner find your way to each other again.

1. Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more 

When my significant other and I start to have reoccurring issues, most of the time I find that there’s something deeper going on under the surface. Whether it’s him or I, we’ve found the root of our problems to be based on something we’re personally dealing with. This is where communication comes into play. Your partner is supposed to be there for you through the thick and thin; having something bottled up inside can cause mood changes, taking things out on one another and just bad attitudes overall. The quicker you talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and what’s going on in your head, the quicker those pestering arguments will come to an end

2. Make space for quality time

Life gets busy, messy and hard. Sometimes it can be difficult to make time for your significant other, which can lead to problems in the long run. Maybe try doing a weekly date or spicing up things at home with a romantic home cooked meal. Whatever you do, make sure that you’re actually paying attention to one another and not getting distracted. This means putting down the phone and bringing up the spark in your relationship. 

3. Prioritize time for yourself

If you happen to live with your partner (like I do), this is a great time to think about one thing: are we spending too much time together? Sometimes when you have an overwhelming amount of time with someone, it can be the burden of the stormy periods of relationships. I find that when I have a balanced amount of time for myself as well as my partner, there’s less room for disagreements to get in. Both parties’ needs are being met from every place they need to be, causing a happy life for all.

The most important thing to remember about being in a relationship is that you need to put in work. The honeymoon phase ends, and the time of working on a happy, healthy relationship starts. Love is something that all intimate relationships need, but it can be hard to find the reasons to love someone when you keep going through phases of rough patches. Finding what works best for both people is what matters most, and remembering why you love them is all the more reason to put in the work. 

Jenna Mason

Virginia Tech '27

My name is Jenna Mason, I'm a Multimedia Journalism and English major at Virginia Tech. I'm also a Language Sciences minor. I've written for a newspaper since my freshman year of high school, and I've fallen in love with writing and editing ever since. I'm not sure of what I want to go into yet after college, but I know that it's something within the media field or teaching at the collegiate level.

Other things about me is that I'm a cat mom, her name is Snickers and she's 17-years-old. I've had her since I was about eight and she has been my best friend ever since. I also really like crafting, one of my favorite things to do is air dry clay. I love making magnets and cute, little figurines.