Relief, happiness, excitement for the future; It feels like a ten-thousand-pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If you asked me a year ago today how I was feeling a month into college, I would’ve probably told you that I hated it. I hated being away from home. I hated the food in the dining hall. I hated how I felt so alone in my room late at night.
Now, a year later, I couldn’t love being a Bonnie more. Yes, the transition part is still there. Saying goodbye to my family and my long-distance boyfriend, as we set off to different parts of the country for the school year. All of it is hard. It is an out-of-body experience, those first few days living in the dorm, what it feels like all on your own. I look back on how I was a year ago, and I wish I hadn’t put such an intense, almost unhealthy amount of pressure on myself to fit in right away. Finding your people doesn’t happen overnight.
It took me pretty much until the end of freshman year to become fully adapted to the Bonaventure lifestyle and truly feel like I belong. In my head, I had this specific timeline of how things should go, and when they didn’t end up happening that way, I went into full on panic mode. It’s hard seeing your peers going out and having fun while you’re sitting there wondering what you’re doing wrong. The answer truly is that nothing happens in a second. True friendships aren’t built on meeting online and hanging out once. I wish I had someone telling me that everything that I was feeling in that moment was okay. It is incredibly normal to feel isolated and alone those first few weeks of school. Taking time to build a routine in a brand-new space is a lengthy process, and giving yourself grace is really the only thing you can do.
Now, as a sophomore with the first month down, September has flown by. It feels like yesterday was move-in day, with all the chaos of parents helping their kids move into tiny rooms. My dad fighting with the bed risers and filling the room to make it my own. I guess for me, I wish I had a looking glass that could see into the future. Knowing it would all work out, and I would find my people who make this campus feel like a home is all I could’ve asked for.
I am so beyond grateful to get to call two places home, and cannot wait for the memories I will make this semester.