The leaves are changing, the days are getting shorter, and the temperatures are beginning to shift. You’re back at school, feeling freshly motivated and excited, but then you suddenly realize you’re feeling… sadder? Every year, students say goodbye to their families and return to campus to begin a new semester. And sure, the first weeks are nothing but days lounging, nights out, and enjoying not having to deal with family drama. Until suddenly work piles up, deadlines seem to be getting shorter, and you’re expected to be everywhere at once.
I get it. Every year, I start the new school year with a sense of determination — until the September Slump starts. I start to fall behind in my classes, feel like everything is too much of a commitment, and I feel “blah” every single day. It feels like you’re going through the motions instead of putting in effort. And especially for me, I start to miss home, especially my cat.
One of the best parts about college for me is that I’m only a two-hour drive from home. The problem? I get severe FOMO (fear of missing out, for those who don’t know) when I go home for a weekend. What if all my friends decide to have the most awesome party, and I’m stuck driving by cornfields listening to Phoebe Bridgers? What if they think I’m lame for wanting to go shopping at TJ Maxx with my mom instead of going thrifting and getting coffee with them? What if I miss the best win of the entire football season, all because I wanted to rot in bed watching TikTok with my cats?
I won’t lie, it’s hard to deal with. You want to go home, you want to stay at college, you want to do nothing, and you want to do everything — it feels like everyone is expecting you to do everything. On top of all that, you’re already struggling to balance the weight of your commitments and classes. How do you manage it?
It took me a long time to learn how to deal with the built-up stress and the expectations I thought that people had for me. Throughout high school, I always felt like I was doing too much and somehow not enough at the same time. I thought that any expectation I had for myself was shared by my peers, my teachers, and my family. If I disappointed myself, I assumed I was disappointing everybody. If you’ve felt like this before or are feeling it now, here’s a news flash — it’s probably not true.
Luckily for you and me, there are ways to deal with these intense feelings of stress and missing out. Not every method of managing these emotions will come easily to everyone, but with practice, you can get yourself out of any slump that comes your way. The best way to tackle these issues is to handle them one by one.
Homesickness: It’s okay to miss home
Leaving home is hard, especially when going to college. Depending on how far you live from campus, you might not know how long it will be until you can visit home again. However, you have to remember that homesickness is natural. Whether you realize it or not, the majority of your college peers are feeling the exact same way.
Luckily for you, there are plenty of options for how to deal with this emotion. Mental Health America has great guidelines on how to deal with all aspects of homesickness. One of the most important ones for me is staying connected with home. Scheduling a daily call with a family member is a great way to mitigate feelings of disconnection. Sometimes I call just to see my cat… no shame!
Another option is to create a found family at school. Clubs and organizations are a great way to connect with like-minded individuals and form close connections. Chances are, you’ll find that spending time with your peers can help lessen your feelings of loneliness. This goes for friends from class, too — spending time with those around you can feel just like spending time with family!
FOMO: Remind yourself of the positives
Personally, I find FOMO to be the worst of all the emotions discussed. Nothing gets me down in the dumps more than not being invited to something or missing a college event because I am going home. I tend to isolate myself from those around me, which often turns a fun weekend home into a sulk-fest in my bed.
Just because I haven’t dealt with my FOMO issues doesn’t mean you can’t. Wellness Coach Elizabeth Scott recommends a few methods of dealing with these emotions, including recognizing what you are grateful for and challenging your mindset.
Instead of thinking, “I bet my friends are having so much fun without me while I’m at home,” tell yourself, “How lucky am I to be able to go home and spend time with family?” Remember that choosing to go home and get much-needed rest is a smart choice for your mind and body.
Also, try to explain to yourself that staying home can be just as much fun, if not more, than going out with friends. Scott even states in her article, “Rather than focusing on what you lack, try noticing what you have.” I’ll admit, switching this mindset is not easy, but it is a great way to pull yourself out of the gutter when you’re feeling down. Consider journaling about the things you are grateful for to put things into perspective.
While I cannot say I’ve learned how to deal with this yet, some of these strategies might help someone prevent a future FOMO-crashout — there’s only one way to find out. Having had my fair share of these, I am definitely going to try some of these techniques.
Expectations: Learn what you’re capable of
Anxiety regarding what other people expect from me has always been one of my biggest challenges in life. There have been times when I feel like I am exceeding all that is asked from me, and other times where I genuinely believe I cannot do anything right, I’m a failure, and that everyone hates me… which is clearly not the healthiest way to go about things.
If you share this mindset, you know it is not easy to escape, especially in college. Your parents might expect you to get all As on your assignments, your club president expects you to attend every meeting, and you expect all that and more from yourself.
Licensed Mental Health Counselor Alana Barlia has an amazing article that explains how to let yourself relax when it comes to worrying about what other people expect from you, as well as what you think about yourself.
One of my favorite strategies she outlines is learning how much you can handle so you can set boundaries. You could probably guess that being in 18 credit hours, five clubs, and two sports is not a sustainable lifestyle. Determine how much of yourself you’re willing to give to each aspect of your life, and set a boundary to assert that.
Most importantly, learn to say no. If you cannot handle the commitment of something, there is no shame in prioritizing other aspects of your life instead. As long as you clearly communicate with others, they will not hold unrealistic expectations for you. Be easy on yourself, and decide what is manageable for you and what is not.
Stress: Find a strategy that works for you
Last but most certainly not least is dealing with overwhelming stress. Every college student has at least one week of the semester when they genuinely do not think the weekend will ever come. Everything piles up until you feel you might just crumble under the weight.
It isn’t easy to cope with — and it definitely doesn’t have an easy solution either. However, every college student must learn how to handle their stress in a healthy way, whether it is easy or not. Here are a few strategies (backed up by Cleveland Clinic) I have used to make myself feel just a bit less overwhelmed:
- Journaling about my emotions (and then shoving it in the bottom of my drawer)
- Refueling and recharging with naps and plenty of sleep
- Making time for what I love — even if I have other things to do
- Talking to my close friends and family (and complaining… a LOT)
- Going outside, exercising, and grounding myself
Not all of these strategies work for everyone, and that is completely fine. While journaling might work for me, someone else might prefer to go to the gym and beat a punching bag until their knuckles are bright red. If that works for you, great! As long as you deal with stress in a non-destructive, healthy way, you will feel much better overall.
Moral of the story? College isn’t easy. You’ll have days where you want to lie under your covers and never crawl back out again. But you’ll also have days where you feel unstoppable. Remember that feelings are not consistent, and that you have to deal with emotions as they come and go.Always prioritize your well-being, and try not to let all these negative emotions mentioned get you down. There will always be more parties, more movie nights, and more football games, even if your mind tells you there won’t be. And always remember that listening to Phoebe Bridgers while driving through a cornfield is nothing to be ashamed of — we’ve all been there. At least I have, maybe this isn’t as common an experience as I think it is… oh well.