We all know what it’s like to not have friends, but for some of us, that experience can last longer than usual. Some people understand what it’s like to feel like you’re wasting years of your life not doing anything because you don’t have any friends to do it with. This is a guide on how to experience life starting now, even if you’re on your own.
A note of comfort
Before I get into the guide, I want to take a moment to talk. If there’s a reason why you clicked this article, I want to start off by saying sorry because I know this is hard. I’ve decided that for this article specifically, I’m going to talk to you the way I wish someone spoke to me when I really needed it.
To say the things I really needed to hear on the off chance that someone else needs to hear them, too, and that they get to. I don’t expect this article to be as popular as some of my others, but as long as one person reads this when they really need to, I think that’s enough.
You’re not messed up. You’re not broken. You’re not meant to be alone forever. I know that’s hard to understand or hard to believe because you have all this “evidence” to back up the idea that you’re just not meant to have friends, but you’re wrong. I spent so much of my life alone, wishing I had friends like everyone else did, and it had me believing that it was something I did, that it was my fault, but it wasn’t. And it’s not your fault either.
I know it’s hard. You feel like you’ve spent years doing your best, trying your hardest to make friends and whenever you do, you can’t keep them, or you never got to have them in the first place. It feels like no matter how hard you try, it’s never good enough.
It is, I promise. YOU are good enough. There are people out there in the world specifically designed and built to be your exact genre of weird, or your exact type of talkative, or your exact opposite, where you will just click. I promise you, there is someone out there, there are multiple people out there for you, you just haven’t met them yet.
With that note in mind, don’t wait for them. Don’t wait until you find those people to live your life and experience the things you want to experience. Don’t do what I know I’ve done, where you waste 5 years of your life hauled up in your room, wishing you had someone to go do something with on a Saturday. Go out and do it alone.
You aren’t going to find your people if you’re not out there in the real world. You find your people by being you, out there where they can find you. Don’t try to “fix yourself” or change who you are to fit others, because then you’ll miss out on the people specifically designed for you. Be yourself, go out there and do it alone.
Start small
So now that you want to start living life, experiencing all kinds of experiences by yourself, let’s talk about where to start. The best thing I can tell you to do is to start small. If you aren’t used to going out and doing things, it can often feel overwhelming and scary. Start with little visits to a cute coffee shop or a walk in the park listening to music.
Don’t Be afraid of the silence
Don’t be afraid to lean into the silence. I know a lot of us have the urge to listen to music or videos when we’re alone to help fill the silence, but don’t be afraid to turn the music off for a bit. Silence can be scary, but more often than not, it’s where you can truly find new things about yourself. How do you fill the silence naturally? I know I fill the silence by leaning into my creativity and working on art.
When a room is silent, my brain turns on and begins thinking of new ideas. That being said, it’s also okay to sometimes play music while you work on a project or study at a cafe; it’s about balance and not being afraid of the silence. Being afraid of silence is one aspect that makes a lot of people afraid to be alone, or at least not enjoy it.
Do what you’ve always wanted to do
Another great place to start is to think of one activity you’ve always wanted to do. It can be expensive and something you save up for, or it can be something small and something you do sooner rather than later. Take those bucket lists you’ve made throughout your life and start doing them. It may seem intimidating or scary to go and do something alone, but I promise it’s worth it.
THe concept of solo dates
I was introduced to the concept of solo dates by Tam Kaur. She talked about them as part of her self-love journey and actually made a playlist on it that I highly recommend, specifically the videos on solo dates. She talks about the concept of solo dates and shares tips and moments throughout her journey of self-love and acceptance.
Solo dates are exactly what they sound like: dates, but solo. You take yourself out on a date as a show of self-love and to prioritize yourself. The best way to do this is to do things you love and to dedicate time to yourself. As a creative, I love doing some sort of craft or art piece as part of my solo dates.
Sometimes, I’ll leave the house, packing up all my journaling and art supplies and going to a nearby cafe to draw and journal. Other times, I stay at home, working while wrapped up in some blankets and watching a movie in the background. The point is that solo dates can be anything you want them to be as long as you’re focusing on yourself and showing yourself love through something you enjoy.
sit in the discomfort
When you first start doing solo dates or going out on your own to experience life, you’ll probably feel uncomfortable. The concept of doing things most people do with friends all by yourself can be a scary one. But it’s important to continue on despite this discomfort and even more so to sit in that discomfort; don’t let it scare you. Sometimes we’re scared to be by ourselves; it makes us nervous or uncomfortable, but to get used to and eventually enjoy doing things on our own, you have to sit in that discomfort.
Final notes
It’s important not to wait to experience things until you have the right people in your life. You will never feel fully ready to face things on your own, but it’s important that you do so anyway. Don’t waste your precious time waiting for the perfect people to go to museums with or to travel with, go to the museum alone, solo travel, experience life.
If you take one thing from this article, it’s that while you may feel alone, you aren’t alone. You’re not the only person who feels this way, and it’s important to do things you enjoy even with that feeling.