For so many girls, their first deep sense of self traces back through the eyes of a best friend. Starting in childhood, a time when you don’t really know anyone. All you know is what your parents have taught you. Then, one day, another kid with no friends comes up to you on the playground asking to be your friend, now all of your ideas are influenced by them for better or worse.Â
Everything was so easy, but then came your transition to adolescence. During this period, it becomes much harder to make new friends. Everyone becomes more judgmental, especially girls. Each person is just trying to find a place where they fit and beginning to figure out what they like to do and who they want to surround themselves with. Everyone is so scared of being judged, especially by other girls, so when you make your first good friend, you try your hardest to hold onto them. You are in a period where you are so unsure of yourself, but your friend acts as an anchor, holding you down to earth, as well as a mirror, reflecting themselves onto you as you reflect onto them. You will grow with each other as you figure out who you are. Friendships play a crucial part in shaping identities by influencing self-perception, providing emotional support, and helping girls navigate social norms and boundaries.
Friendships help girls understand who they are through shared interests, affirmations, and mirrored behaviors, especially during early friendships. People often like to mirror the people they look up to or take a liking to. Girls might see how certain friends of theirs are well-liked or well-perceived and want to be exactly like them. Girls often develop a sense of self through group identity, as reinforcement and assurance from friends can boost self-esteem. An example of this could be that a girl discovers a love for drawing because her friend encourages her creativity. That same girl may not have discovered her love for drawing if her friend had discouraged her.
Friendships provide emotional validation and help girls process certain shared experiences like conflict, puberty, or family struggles. Growing up is an awkward and uncomfortable time, especially for girls. It’s a time when I, and many others, found ourselves not wanting to go to their parents about certain things. During this time, girls tend not to feel like themselves anymore, and many give up certain things that they used to love. Having at least one good friend during that time could be life-changing. Having someone to talk to and bond with can reduce feelings of isolation and anxiety, and grow strength, empathy, and resilience in young girls. Without having that person at that young age, it can reflect in adulthood, making adult women feel more anxious, fear being vulnerable, have difficulty trusting others, or just feel plain different. Emotional intimacy in girlhood friendships can help to form the emotional intelligence that shapes personal identity.
Friendships help girls understand, internalize, or challenge societal norms related to femininity, behavior, and relationships. Girls may learn to challenge norms together, an example being rejecting gender stereotypes. Through friendship, girls discover their place in society and develop a stronger sense of self.
Not all friendships are positive. Let us not forget that friendships that include conflict, exclusion, or toxic dynamics can also shape identity. Experiences with exclusion or betrayal can impact trust and self-worth. Almost every girl has or will experience this. Learning to resolve conflict is a major developmental milestone, as well as learning when to let friends go who didn’t want you in their lives. This also includes outgrowing a childhood friend. It’s sad, but necessary to prove that you are growing into who you are meant to be. This also helps a girl redefine who she is.
Friendships during girlhood are the foundation of identity development, influencing everything from emotional intelligence to self-concept and social behavior. These early bonds have a lasting impact on adult identities and relationships. Our friendships set the stage for who we are, who we will be in the future, and what company we will attract to ourselves.Â