Your 20s are a decade of transition. Arguably the most transitional. College, jobs, internships, studying abroad, gap years, grad school, moving back home, moving away again — it’s a constant cycle of change. And while all of this change can be exciting, it often comes at the cost of something we rarely talk about: friendship.
Not the falling-out kind of loss or the huge blow up argument kind, but the quieter kind — the kind where months pass without a phone call, texts get left on read, and suddenly someone who used to know everything about your day now only sees it through an Instagram story.
But distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection. Long-distance friendships can be just as meaningful and fulfilling as the ones that sit across from you at dinner. They just take intention, a little creativity, and a shared belief that the relationship is worth keeping close.
Here’s how to keep your friendships alive — even across time zones.
1. Carve Out Intentional Time
In close proximity, friendships often thrive on spontaneity — bumping into each other on campus or deciding to grab ice cream at midnight. But with long-distance friendships, effort has to be much more deliberate.
This isn’t news to anyone but I’m here to remind you again; One of the simplest but most powerful ways to stay connected is scheduling regular phone or FaceTime calls. They don’t have to be long or deep every time. Even a 15-minute check-in can help you feel grounded in each other’s lives. I like calling friends while I’m walking to class — it turns something mundane into something meaningful and it’s a great way to kill two birds with one stone.
It’s not about frequency as much as it is about presence. When you’re talking, be in it. Put the to-do list aside and give them the space they’d have if you were sitting across the table from them. I’ve caught myself zoning out mid conversation more times than I’d like to admit. Now, I try to make a rule: don’t call unless I can give someone my 100% undivided attention in the conversation. In doing this, you’ll both walk away feeling seen.
2. Bring Back the Joy of Letters
There’s something incredibly grounding about sending and receiving letters. In a world where everyone is chronically online, there’s something magical about receiving a handwritten letter. It feels thoughtful and unrushed. Handwritten notes feel almost romantic in their slowness. It tells your friend: I thought about you. I took time. You matter.
You don’t have to be poetic. Sometimes I just write about my week, what’s been on my mind, or a memory I was thinking of. And the act of writing it — reflecting and putting pen to paper — makes me feel closer to the friend, even before they receive it.
It doesn’t have to be frequent. Just unexpected. A letter arriving on a random Tuesday can be enough to make someone’s whole week. Sometimes, I’ll spot a cute card at a coffee shop and just know who it belongs to. I’ll scribble a quick note, drop it in the mail, and smile knowing it’ll surprise them in a few days. It’s small, cheap, and personal — and it keeps the friendship grounded in something tangible.
3. Create Shared Rituals, Even From Afar
One of the hardest things about distance is that you stop sharing the same life context. You’re not at the same parties or watching the same sunsets or hearing about the same drama. So create new rituals that anchor your friendship in something shared.
This could be as simple as watching the same TV show and texting during it. Or taking a photo every Sunday to send to each other, updating on how you’re feeling that week. I use the app Retro for this (not a plug, just a fun app) — it’s like a private photo diary shared with just close friends, and it’s become such a comforting space. It helps my friends and I stay connected and up to date on small things we do throughout our days apart. The best part is that it’s so casual — we post pictures of anything from grocery shopping to going out on the weekends. It’s an easy way to get a sneak peak into eachothers lives, comment on posts and have an album to go back to every week. It always makes me feel like I’m there, even when I’m not.
It doesn’t have to be big. Just something you do consistently that’s yours — a thread that keeps pulling you back together.
4. Send “Life Lag” Updates
The other hard part of long-distance friendships isn’t the silence — it’s the pressure to fill it. You haven’t talked in a while, so now you feel like you owe a full play-by-play. Suddenly, a simple “Hey, how are you?” turns into a 45-minute emotional labor dump… so you just never send it.
Here’s something that I find helpful to do: stop trying to catch up in real time. Instead, send “life lag” updates. Voice memos, notes, or texts that say, “This is from last week, but I’ve been thinking about you,” or “I meant to tell you this days ago, but…” Free yourself from the idea that updates have to be immediate to be extremely meaningful. They don’t. Your friend doesn’t always need a timeline — they just want to feel remembered.
It’s okay to be a little behind. What matters is staying in the loop in whatever way works for you. Send the text. Even if it’s been weeks. Even if you missed their birthday or haven’t replied to their last one. Just start with: “I miss you.” It’s enough.
Long-distance friendships don’t fall apart because of space. They fall apart because people assume the space means the other person no longer cares. Break the silence.
That said, this effort should go both ways. A strong long-distance friendship needs mutual care. If you’re the only one doing the texting, calling, sending, and showing up, that imbalance will start to feel heavy. Relationships — platonic or romantic — aren’t built to be carried alone.
The truth is, physical distance can’t break a friendship unless you let it. With intention and mutual effort, space can actually deepen your bond rather than weaken it.
You Can Grow Together
Friendships in your 20s require flexibility. A lot of it. You and your friends are growing, moving, and learning who you are — and sometimes that means you grow in different directions. But that doesn’t have to mean growing apart.
Keeping a long-distance friendship alive isn’t about replicating the past. It’s about creating a new version of connection that fits who you are now.
So write the letter. Send the package. Make the call. Love, even in friendship, is kept alive through attention.
And sometimes, the friendships that go the distance — literally — end up being the ones that mean the most.