The idea of marriage as an act of romance filled with passion, intense emotions, and even as the best day of our lives is quite recent. In fact, the practices applied on the big day originally come from ideologies completely different from what we imagine. It hasn’t always been about love.
Various traditions within weddings were created in extremely patriarchal societies that aimed to control women and treat them as agreements and commodities for the benefit of their husbands and fathers. In other words, women had no right to choose their partners and had their destinies determined by the men in their lives.
White and the idealized purity
The main color of any traditional wedding is white. This color appeared in 1840 when Queen Victoria of England got married wearing a white dress as a personal choice, which was associated with elegance and status. However, after religious interpretations, the white color of the bride’s dress began to be related to purity, innocence, and female virginity. These norms further reinforced the idea of female sexual morality, in which a woman must be “pure” and “clean” for her husband, a form of possession and male superiority, since this rule was not applied to them.
This same practice is seen in the bride’s veils, which in arranged marriages covered their entire face with the intention of revealing it at the end almost as a “delivery of goods” to the “owner,” her groom. With the advancement of Christianity over the years, this view was further reinforced by symbolizing the veil as a form of chastity and obedience from the woman. It was even used in the image of Mary in the Bible, mother of Jesus,who conceived him while remaining a virgin. In other words, the veil signifies the submission imposed on brides, who, in addition to not having the power of choice, had to remain untouched until marriage.
These uses of colors and objects, such as the white wedding dress and the veil, existed even before religious practices as forms of protection against evil spirits, but they were significantly shaped by the social and cultural norms of the time.
Transfer of Power: From Father to Husband
Even the simple act of walking down the aisle with the father to the husband carries profound meaning. It reflects the deeply entrenched patriarchal systems that dominated societies for centuries, where women had little to no legal, economic, or moral autonomy. In these societies, women were considered the property of their fathers, who had the authority over their lives and decisions. This act of walking down the aisle was not just a ritual but a symbolic representation of this lack of autonomy.
It marked the physical transfer of the woman from one male figure, her father, to another, her husband, essentially reinforcing the idea that she was a commodity to be passed between men.
The ceremony reflected a broader social structure where women had no voice in matters of marriage or other significant life decisions. A male mediator, whether the father, brother, or other male relative, was always required for any action or decision made by a woman. This subjugation was institutionalized in many ways, including marriage contracts, legal systems, and societal expectations, where a woman’s value and role were often defined by her relationship to the men in her life.
A historical example of this practice is the royal marriage of Isabella of Castile and Ferdinand of Aragon. At the end of the Middle Ages, both Castile and Aragon were powerful kingdoms on the Iberian Peninsula, and the marriage between Isabella and Ferdinand was strategically orchestrated to strengthen both realms. Their union was not just a personal bond but a political maneuver aimed at consolidating power and unifying Spain under one monarch. By marrying Isabella, Ferdinand gained a claim to the throne of Castile, while Isabella gained a powerful ally in Aragon. This political marriage helped shape the future of Spain, enabling the eventual unification of the country and the expansion of its empire.
In such cases, the union was a transactional exchange between two powerful families, with little regard for the personal desires or autonomy of the individuals involved. The roles of women in these marriages were often reduced to symbols of alliance and property transfer, rather than agents of change or decision-makers in their own right.
This transfer of power can also be seen in the practice of the woman taking the husband’s name, since birth they had they’re father’s surname as a mark of property from the patriarch family, that wouldn’t change at the wedding, meaning that they are then a property of the groom. So everything she “owned” started to be what her now husband owned.
In England for instance the common law established coverture doctrine, that meant that the legal identity women had was covered by the husband after the wedding. She was forced to lose most of her independent civil rights, in other words, it was a complete erasure of women’s individual identity.
Another tradition that reinforces this patriarchal transaction is the expectation that the bride’s family pays for the wedding. This custom wasn’t about generosity, but a way of compensating the groom economically, paying-off the man for accepting the responsibility of taking the woman as his wife and taking ownership of her.
As historian Stephanie Coontz notes in Marriage, a History, such practices reflect a long-standing belief that women were financial burdens being transferred from the father to the husband. The exchange of power through marriage was deeply ingrained in the patriarchal fabric of society, and it underscored the almost non-existent role women played in shaping their own destinies.
The Wedding Ring: Origins and Meaning
The idea of ownership that men once held over women is not only evident in visible customs, wedding rings themselves carry patriarchal ideals that treat women as possessions under their husband’s control.
Traditionally, wedding rings symbolized the possession men had over their future wives. According to the British Museum Archives, in Ancient Rome, men gave iron rings called “anulus pronubus” as a mark of authority over women and their duties as wives.
The ring was not a romantic gesture but a symbol of ownership and a legal agreement.
British Museum Archives
In Medieval Europe, under Christian influence, only women wore rings to signify their promised status, men did not wear them, nor were they given rings as part of the marriage contract.
As a result, responsibilities such as loyalty, purity, and commitment were placed solely on women, despite today’s understanding that marriage is a mutual partnership based on reciprocity and trust.
The bouquet and the Symbolic Race for Marriage
The moment when the bride tosses her bouquet is so common nowadays that it seems to be just a playful part of the ceremony, and it is always something the female guests are anxious about. However, the meaning behind this tradition was more than just a romantic superstition.
It symbolized the urgency for women to get married, and for girls, yes, girls, not yet women from a young age, they had to learn habits and chores to become the best option for a man. Depending on the tradition, the age at which a woman could actually get married ranged from 14 to 20, while for men, it was considered acceptable to get married even after their 40s.
In times when women had limited access to education or independence, marriage was frequently the only viable option for security and status. The bouquet toss, in this context, served as a clear metaphor: a group of women literally competing for the chance to be “chosen”, reinforcing the notion that a woman’s value was tied to being desired and validated through marriage.
Weddings Today: Tradition or Choice
By understanding the origins of certain wedding traditions, many women choose alternative practices for their big day. This gave rise to the concept of the Feminist Wedding, based on gender equality and respect for women.
Differences can be seen when brides choose colors that truly reflect their essence and make them feel comfortable, as well as the freedom to choose different styles for their own comfort and enjoyment. The decision to wear the veil or not and to adapt it to their personal taste, and even the option for the couple to walk down the aisle together rather than the father “giving away” the bride, are all choices. Despite the ongoing societal pressure to adhere to traditional weddings, today it is up to the couple to equally make their own choices for the best day of their lives. Therefore, it is important to know the origins and meanings of our practices so we can understand if they align with our ideals for the wedding day.
A notable example is the wedding of Drew Scott and Linda Phan, who have been together for years and celebrated their wedding in 2018 with a ceremony that reflected their shared values. It was a heartfelt and intimate celebration in Italy, free from traditional pressures, where responsibilities were shared equally. Their marriage continues to be a partnership based on mutual respect, equality, and authenticity.
Rethinking these traditions does not mean rejecting them entirely, but understanding what we are perpetuating and whether it makes sense with our personal values. Questioning is not about destroying, but adapting. Consciousness and freedom in marriage is about bringing the meaning of love and mutual respect. In the end, the most beautiful tradition should reflect who you are.
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The article above was edited by Duda Kabzas.
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