Like many, I relate every song I can to moments of my life.
I find myself listening to a variety of artists, and The Marías are a group I am frequently drawn to.
As I navigated my freshman year, I gravitated towards “No One Noticed (Extended Spanish).”
The song is about a relationship with a distant partner and the mental unease that comes with the empty void of the relationship.
Instead of a lover, this relationship was about my journey with comparison.
Moving to college is one of the most challenging things I’ve had to do.
I moved across the country only knowing one person, who I still didn’t even see every day.
For the first time, I felt alone—and no one noticed.
I am generally a person who believes I don’t need anyone’s help. I like to do things and figure out life on my own. I am a naturally independent person.
This was challenged when I came to college. I had to figure it out on my own and I had no one to fall back on.
I had romanticized college my whole life. It’s something I knew I would always want to do. I envisioned every detail of my college career and exactly how it would play out, but everything went the complete opposite.
It was hard to meet people and it was even harder to not compare my experience with my peers’ experiences.
It seemed like everyone had it so easy and was having the ultimate college experience—I wanted that.
I had hit so many roadblocks during my freshman year that made me feel like I was doing everything wrong. Nothing was going in my favor.
I began to doubt myself and my decisions. There was a pit in my stomach that I couldn’t fill and I fell into this empty void. I felt like I was losing my mind.
I longed to meet the version of myself that I dreamed I would achieve in college.
I saw pieces of myself in this song,
“Come on, don’t leave me, it can’t be that easy, babe
If you believe me, I guess I’ll get on a plane
Fly to your city, excited to see your face
Hold me, console me, and then I’ll leave without a trace.“
To me, this represented my battle with what I wanted my freshman year to be.
I eventually made friends and felt like I was getting into the groove of college.
I went on so many trips and did exciting things that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do if I hadn’t come to my university.
I found ways to fill the void—but it was just temporary.
I didn’t want these highs to leave. These moments I had made me feel like I reached the point I longed to be at.
I didn’t want it to end because other people got to live that every day.
Not once did I see someone posting about being alone or bored. They were always doing something with someone.
I wasn’t.
I spent more time with myself than I did with other people. And the people I did spend time with slipped right through my fingers to do other things for themselves.
I felt like I was watching what college is from the outside, instead of actually living it.
The outro of the song embodied every feeling I was having perfectly:
“Estás tan dentro de mí
Te sigo pensando
Te sigo esperando
Y estás, oh
Tan lejos de mí, oh
Te sigo pensando
Me canso, llorando.”
Which translates to,
“You are so deep inside of me
I keep thinking about you
I keep waiting for you
And you are, oh
So far from me, oh
I keep thinking about you for you
I’m get tired, crying.”
I was constantly comparing myself to these other people and the life I wanted.
I spent so much time waiting for it to come to me and present itself to me when the time was right, but it always felt so out of reach.
I spent endless nights so upset with myself for not being like these other people.
The one thing I have told myself since forever, is that everything happens for a reason.
I was put into this position to challenge myself—to find myself.
I needed to push my limits and see what I was capable of getting myself through.
My first year of college was not meant to be easy. It’s college.
I am grateful to now find myself in a position where I am sad to go home for the summer.
While my story is not as exciting as others, it is an important one to share. It’s important to know that college is not the same linear experience for everyone, and that’s completely normal and okay.
Not everyone will publicly discuss these moments because it is a vulnerable experience. No one is going to post to their Instagram about feeling lonely, they want to display the fun, aesthetic side of college.
Posting their friends and fun moments are what make the quiet moments seem so abnormal. But everyone falls into ruts. It is part of life.
No matter the journey, everything happens for a reason and you are where you’re meant to be.