Four short years ago, I applied to give the graduation speech at my high school. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go well. When I presented my mock speech to the deans, they looked at me like I’d slipped a sex toy recommendation guide into the graduation program – that is to say, they were horrified.
And no, I actually did not say anything hinting at my impending career in sex education in that original speech. But the idea of the girl who won’t shut up about sex giving a speech to a crowd of grandparents and kindergarten-aged cousins was apparently too much for the administration to handle.
Now I’m a senior in college, about to walk that graduation stage and, once again, not give a speech. Frankly, it’s their loss. I have mad wisdom to drop.
So, today, you all get my unabridged, full-throttle, explicit sex educator graduation speech. So strap in or strap on and get ready for a ride because there’s nobody here to cut the mic.
As we near the end of our time in school, it’s tempting to think this was the climax — the main event. Graduating feels like the big O… everything before was buildup, and everything after is just…whatever comes next. Anticlimactic.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned studying sexuality, it’s this: sex, like life, doesn’t begin and end with a single high point. It’s not just about the climax. The good stuff — the intimacy, the growth, the connection — it happens in the date, the flirting, the first kiss, the foreplay, the boinking and even in the aftercare.
So if college is the main event, then I suppose we will have to enjoy some lovely aftercare. But if college was the foreplay? The teasing, the experimenting, the figuring-yourself-out part? That means there is a lot more excitement to come.
And honestly, the metaphor holds up.
College is where you learn what turns you on — intellectually, emotionally and professionally.
It’s where you explore your boundaries, find your people and figure out what you do and don’t want.
It’s where you stop doing things because you’re supposed to, and start doing them because they feel right.
Sex ed has taught me way more than just vaginas and condoms – it has taught me how to be a good human being in the adult world! And as a human being about to graduate, I can tell you with confidence:
- You don’t have to know what you’re doing the first time you try something.
- Pleasure matters — not just sexual, but in your work, your hobbies, your relationships.
- Sometimes it’s awkward. That’s okay. Laugh and keep going.
- Different people and different environments change everything.
- Sometimes, making someone else feel good is more fun than making yourself feel good.
- Be confident about what you want. If you don’t say it, you won’t get it.
- Basic safety measures are worth it — wear your condoms and your seatbelts.
- Sometimes, you deserve to come first. Literally and metaphorically.
- Consent matters — in every part of your life.
- Sex is about pleasure, connection and love — so is life.
- If you think you know it all…you don’t know shit.
Now, I realize I just claimed to have all this “wisdom to drop” and then admitted I don’t know shit — which makes me sound a little unhinged. So allow me to clarify.
My chemistry queens are leaving college knowing what chemicals create what reactions.
My English baddies can structure the perfect sentence.
And me? I’m leaving knowing that every time I think I’ve figured something out, I am sucker punched in the gut with the realization that I don’t know shit.
Sex, like life, is complicated as hell. No two people do it the same way.
You might want something completely different tomorrow than you do today.
And just because one person thinks you’re the worst they’ve ever had doesn’t mean there aren’t a hundred others who would think you’re phenomenal.
There’s no right way to do it — but there are definitely wrong ones.
We’re all just figuring it out. And that doesn’t stop after the foreplay.
In the so-called “main event,” we still have work to do.
We’ll have to find our rhythm. Take breaks. Be open to change.
Sex and life can hurt you and heal you. Both can leave you breathless, bored or begging for a change of position. Both require consent, communication and the courage to try again after it gets weird.
So as we move forward — into new jobs, new cities, new beds and new beginnings — I know some of us are feeling confident, and some of us are anxious to get started.
So I’ll leave you with the same advice I give to any first-timer:
Take a breath.
Go slow.
Communicate.
And try to have a little fun.
Thank you, readers, Her Campus and fellow sexy graduates.
Love ya,
Ging