Since preschool, April has been my most cherished time of year. It was at that age that I first heard the phrase “April showers bring May flowers.” Teachers and children alike repeated this phrase in a way that portrayed April as a necessary evil that was accepted only because the beauty of May was to follow. Most people dislike the rain and of course, love flowers. So, because of one silly phrase, people associate April with dreary sadness and May with sunshine and happiness.
I hated that phrase. My favorite time of the year became a dirty, muddy mess that everyone else just wanted to end so that glorious summer could begin. I did not understand why people did not see things my way. What was so bad about rain? Do flowers not bloom in April too? Who came up with this silly saying anyway?
In all honesty, I used to love April solely because it is my birth month. Children are self-absorbed and love things because they are representations of them. I associated April with myself so when everyone began to dislike it, I could not help but feel like it was a bit of a personal attack.
I know it is not that serious but nevertheless, I internalized those feelings and have hated that phrase ever since.
Or, at least, I did until this year.
Over the past 12 months, I have grown in a way I never thought possible. I took a semester off from school last spring and started going to weekly therapy sessions. I have now been in therapy for over a year and I am incredibly proud of myself. Before this year, I was depressed, avoidant, anxious, and angry. I never thought I would have the courage to do what was best for me. I never thought that I could change. But I am so glad that I did.
Starting to heal and become a better person has given me a new outlook on the phrase “April showers bring May flowers.” I used to wish I was a naturally happy person and that things were easier for me. But I have learned to be grateful for all my life experiences because they have made me who I am.
Without four miserable years of high school, a painful first semester of college, and the loss of some important people in my life, I never would have had the guts to save myself from falling apart. The times that I thought I would never make it through were not only necessary for my self-growth, but they are the things that make me a deeply flawed, complex, and beautiful person.
“April showers” may sound bad (and sometimes they are) but flowers grow in April too. Beautiful things begin to blossom before you can even see them. Because of the rain, new things are sprouting all the time. My point is that you don’t have to wait for the rain to stop so that the flowers can bloom. The beautiful and the tragic can happen at the same time and they often do. There is pain in healing just as there is rain in May. And there is healing in pain just as there are flowers in April.