I think about the phantoms who view my Instagram stories and like my posts — people I once envisioned a future with. Now, we watch each other live our respectable lives from afar. Without removal, without blocking. Why? Just in case one of us changes our mind and decides it’s magically meant to be? Honestly, yes. In many, many cases.
As a society, we’ve coined the term “no contact.” When you go through a breakup, you’re now in no contact with your ex. When an ex texts you after radio silence for months, they’ve just broken no contact. I’ve seen posts where people describe how their ex broke no contact after four years, and I always wonder: what even is no contact? It sounds like a rule, but really, it’s a loophole. We’ve created this term to give ourselves a speckle of hope that this person may reappear, correct all of their wrongs, and choose us for once and for all. But let’s be real. It’s not “no contact.” It’s just over.
I’ve come to know two different people: the glass-half-full idealist and the door-shut cynic. The former believes leaving your door cracked open is never a bad thing. This person will also stalk the Instagram stories of their exes, analyzing who they’re with and if a new person’s tagged. They’ll obsess over comment sections, analyzing to see if there’s anything that looks remotely romantic. I know this person so well because I am them.
I admire the door-shut cynic. The person who believes once it’s over, it stays over. They try once, and when it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work for a reason. They remove, they block, they move forward with no reminders of what once was. They rationalize and make sense of it all. They don’t wait for someone to choose them, they choose themselves. Because, really, would your soulmate have to be convinced?
Back in the day, a breakup meant you never saw each other again. You didn’t have access to someone’s social media in the 70s or their Spotify listening history. There was no lurking from behind a screen. You just never saw them again. The chapter was closed, never to be re-read or opened again.
Now, social media sells us pipe dreams disguised as prophecies. Tarot readings pop up in our feeds, promising reconciliation thanks to Mercury retrograde. “Your ex is coming back,” they’ll say. “You’ll finally get the apology you deserve.” Honestly, this pseudo-clairvoyant speaks to the most vulnerable parts of our hearts. We “claim” it in the comment section. Because who doesn’t want to believe that someone who hurt us might finally feel sorry? It’s only human to have our minds flicker to one person who deserves to finally feel sorry for what they’ve done. Maybe it’s not about the apology or “claiming” anything. It’s about giving ourselves the closure they never could.
We’re always waiting — for the text, the apology, the long-awaited vindication. But we need to stop. Post the Instagram story because you look good, not because you hope your ex-situationship will see it. Instead of keeping the door cracked open, the bravest thing you can do sometimes is lock it and throw away the key.