Let’s just state the obvious: college can feel very lonely sometimes. Whether it’s the girl in your sorority or org who always makes you feel small with her backhanded compliments, your situationship who only texts you when it’s dark outside, or that group of girls who always seem to forget to invite you when it’s time to hangout, sometimes the isolation you feel can be suffocating.Â
I’m a transfer student from out of state, so that feeling and I used to be best friends. I’m going to tell you something I wish that I had known when I was struggling with feeling lonely or that I had no place that I truly fit: you are the love of your own life. Yes, it seems cheesy and overdone, but it’s TRUE. Robert Marley has a quote that reads: “To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness”. And boy is he is right on the money.Â
You may have gotten rejected from an org you wanted, may not have that perfect group of girlfriends that you want, or you’re craving the company of a boyfriend everyone else seems to have. I think you should count all of these things as a blessing, because the only one you have to depend on at this moment in time is yourself. Become your own best friend. College is for learning who you were, who you are now, and who you want to become.Â
Embrace your hobbies, your quirks, the little things that make you who you are. You are unique and special, but how are your friends and partners going to be able to love you in the future if you don’t love yourself? Why would others want to spend time with you if you don’t even like yourself enough to spend time alone? Sometimes we don’t find our people right away because we don’t know who we even are as individuals. The truth of the matter is, the only person we will always have is ourselves. So we should know ourselves deeply and love and appreciate the things that make us who we are.Â
Life during the semester is busy and hectic and it becomes really hard to make time for yourself and the things you enjoy. So you fall into what’s easy – scrolling aimlessly on TikTok and Instagram, seeing a post of girls giggling with their roommates, a girl and her boyfriend making dinner together, two best friends having cocktails and a movie night. This is when the comparison, envy, and heartache seeps in. This is the moment in which you need to discover how vital and beautiful being alone can be. Some of the loneliest times in my life turned out to be the most fruitful. When these moments of sadness or feelings of isolation start to flicker in the back of your mind, that’s the moment you need to pour into yourself instead.Â
Get a book off of your shelf you’ve been dying to read, or crack open one of your old favorite comfort reads. Journal! You don’t just have to journal how you’re feeling (which helps with working through and regulating your emotions and how you feel about these certain situations, might I add) but you can also just write silly or seemingly meaningless things for fun! One of my favorite things to write in my journal is all of my current favorites – the snack I’ve been hyper fixating on, the show I’m watching, the songs I’ve had on repeat, the Bible verse I’ve been meditating on, and so much more. I like to look back on them and for some reason reading those little lists brings back so many memories of what my life looked like at that time. You can try cooking yourself a new dinner or dessert. Go for a solo walk or bike ride. Once, I had to go to a concert alone because a friend bailed on me. I almost didn’t go, but the line up consisted of three of my favorite artists and I didn’t want to miss it. I went by myself and ended up having the best night! Sometimes embracing being alone in spaces that might feel uncomfortable is what can teach you the most or be the most fulfilling. The opportunities to have fun and spend time with yourself are endless, and I can promise you it will help you grow to love yourself, lead you to learn more about who you are, and the person you want to become.Â
Loneliness still creeps in sometimes for me – it’s part of being human and a girl in her early twenties. But thankfully, I have found really wonderful people that are in my life now. And I firmly believe all of those moments of tears and heartache of wishing I had people that I could spend all of my time with has helped me become the kind of friend I am today. I spent time with myself, and I grew. I learned what I value in friendships and relationships and no longer accept less than I deserve. If you work on yourself, grow, and not only accept but love the person you are, the right people will arrive. It may not be overnight, but I promise you – they’re coming. One of my favorite quotes reads “[y]ou still haven’t met all of the people who are going to love you”. Learn to love and appreciate yourself deeply, and before know it, you will have people who couldn’t imagine their life without you in it.