Do we as a society consider high school relationships a “bucket list item”?
To be honest, I’d never pictured it that way. Sure, everyone has a crush in high school, many of us even have what we believe to be “serious” relationships. But are those experiences deserving of a bucket list item title? At least in my experience, absolutely the f*ck not.
My younger sister, who’s not so young anymore, was the one who got me thinking about the standard we’ve set for high school romances (a.k.a. you’re weird if you didn’t date in high school). She approached me one afternoon and said, “I feel like I should have a boyfriend.”
“But Milly,” I said, “you don’t need a boyfriend right now. You’ve got kind friends, your grades are insanely good, and there’s just no need for one. Plus, who wants a boy in their life.”
“Well, you dated in high school.”
Damn. She got me there. So whatever, I had a boyfriend in high school. Did it last? Nope. Do I regret it? Lowkey, yes, a bit, but it served its teaching purpose. Would I recommend? Honestly, no.
Rewind to my junior year of high school. My best friend and I are sitting quietly, eating our beautifully prepared school lunches from home (yeah, we were those girls), pondering when our next English paper was due. I can picture the face she made when she looked up from her meal and said:
“You know, I really feel like I’m missing out.”
“Girl, on what?”
“…having a boyfriend in high school.”
Naturally, I responded to this by making gagging noises and diving head first into a list of reasons she shouldn’t date in high school. I was newly single at this point, so all those crappy memories were still fresh in my mind. I then plunged into a speech about how stunning and amazing and talented she is and how a man would do nothing but ruin that.
“Well you dated in high school.” Yes, and don’t we all know I love to be reminded of that.
I mean, it’s not surprising that we feel the subconscious need to meet someone, literally anyone in high school. Movies like 10 Things I Hate About You, To All The Boys I Loved Before, A Walk To Remember, and even Mean Girls all portray a world in which high school romances are not only prevalent, but expected as part of the experience of growing up. Look at High School Musical – Disney Channel made a whole franchise off of the concept of a “typical American high school romance”. Popular culture and the entertainment industry has been shoving the idea of required high school relationships down our throats since we were kids!
It can be hard not to yearn for a deeper level of companionship, especially during high school when everyone feels like they need to find “their person”. High school culture nowadays is also set up to make us believe that we need to be boyfriend and girlfriend with the guy who sits next to us in math. Take prom, for example. When I googled the definition of prom, it came up with some bullsh*t about how it’s essentially a time for students to practice their formal social skills. Yeah, right! Prom is actually just a lame excuse for random hookups and asking the girl you like out. I mean, we’ve all seen the #Promposal side of TikTok, and as someone who didn’t have prom at my high school, I’ll admit it looked pretty cool to be essentially “proposed” to by your significant other, or even a guy you never knew liked you.
Being single and remaining single in high school is something I wish I had done – my relationship taught me a lot about myself and I’m extremely grateful for that. However, as I chased the love of my (at the time) significant other, I lost countless friends, spent less time with my family, rarely had new and identity-forming experiences, and oftentimes felt so lonely I just wanted to curl up and cry. By the time it ended, I was so wrapped up in my partner that I didn’t know where he ended and I began. Dating in highschool did, in many ways, allow me to grow and develop into the person I am today, but with massive setbacks. I lost so much of my life that it took years to rebuild both myself and my lifestyle into what it is today.
So I assure you – coming from a not-so-nice personal perspective on high school romances – staying single in high school doesn’t make you unorthodox or lame. Taking life at your own pace and prioritizing yourself and your success (especially at such a crucial age) is honestly worth it in the long run. And to Milly and Bibi (my best friend), remember that there are so many people out there who love you, and who cannot wait to be loved by you, romantically or not.
Not to end this by sounding like your parents, but you legit have your whole life ahead of you. And by that time, I’m sure you’ll have crossed so much off that bucket list you hold in your heart.