As we begin to adjust more to college life, dating as a freshman has revealed itself to be quite tricky. Thinking about my own experiences- or even my friends’- this new realm of dating has been different from what I’m used to. It seems that as freshmen, one doesn’t know whether they want to settle down or date several people at once- and this is where things can get a bit problematic.
The first thing that I want to talk about is how we are all experiencing this newfound freedom at the same time. Some people have had no dating experience at this point in life, which might lead them to making bad choices because they don’t know what they want or how to treat a person in a romantic relationship yet. As a result, toxic cycles can emerge, as we argue back and forth and play with each other’s feelings.
But you know what? I think all of this could easily be avoided if clear communication was used. It’s understandable that humans are not perfect (and that some men may have wandering eyes…) but when there are no direct conversations, feelings of embarrassment can come into play.
How would you feel if you saw a person you thought was serious about you on a date with someone else at the student center? What about if you saw someone you really liked walk another person to class and act like they don’t even know you?
Clearer communication almost eliminates the trouble of having to assume the other party’s feelings and lessens the questions you ask about where things really went wrong. If you’re on the same page with someone, misunderstandings are less likely to happen as honesty and openness is established- even if it is an uncomfortable conversation to have at first.
Sometimes we enter a dangerous game when we want to be seen as a “player,” but messing with people’s feelings is not the same as playing the field. It is important to think about what feelings you may experience if roles in a relationship were reversed.
Another big issue when it comes to freshman flings is boredom. With social media posing as a huge factor when it comes to dating in our generation, it could be hard to take people seriously when they seem like widgets on a phone rather than humans with complex emotions. I have even been found guilty of texting people out of boredom from time to time, leading to them taking my words more seriously than I intended them. Sometimes we must realize that our eagerness of wanting to get to know more people may be taken out of context- especially if they are initially attracted to you.
When things seem to start getting more serious, it is crucial to let that other person know how you would like things to proceed and your plans with them. But without these boundaries being set and intentions communicated, unhealthy attachments and broken hearts are very likely to happen. Then come the constant thoughts about the situation, imaginary arguments with the person, and even possible retaliation due to your emotions racing at an all-time high.
Lastly, another question that most of us tend to struggle with is: how can we tell if our crush actually likes us back? The answer to this question is simple to me. I believe if a person wants a future with you, they will put in the time, effort, and dedication to make sure you know. Talking is one thing, but putting in energy to the connection is a whole different story. Don’t allow yourself to accept the bare minimum simply because you have butterflies for them.
For me, consistency is key. If someone can’t show up and meet you halfway, it is okay to let them leave!