Richard Kadrey once wrote, “If you’re born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire.”
I think this sentiment can apply outside of regular everyday proceedings. More specifically, it can be seen in the context of leaving for college and learning how to be completely on your own for the first time in your life.
I came into college on a road on fire, making the path ahead feel like a funeral march.
After an already tough senior year of high school and a summer where I suffered silently in my head with depression and anxiety, I lost someone I loved mere hours before I would be setting off for Penn State for my first year of college.
I wouldn’t be around to say goodbye.
I came to terms with this grief in my first few weeks of college, learning the ropes of how to be even more independent than I already was. Things were starting to look up, and while I was still hurting underneath, I felt the most myself that I had ever been.
Then came October.
The world came crashing down on me, and I became a victim at the hands of another. Another data point in a rapidly growing statistic. I paid for their crime and had no means to receive justice, thrusting me into a spiral of emotion that has persisted throughout the months since.
I was 500 miles from my home, my sisters, my best friends and everything familiar that had ever been there to support me. I felt completely alone. I had my roommate and new friends, but these were people I had known for minutes in the timeline of my life, and I felt immense guilt in burdening them with my problems.
I caved inside myself and tore myself apart from the inside out, amidst additional familial qualms, flashbacks and the return of unpleasant memories from high school.
I became unrecognizable to myself and isolated myself from the people who I knew cared for me. I let my schoolwork and journalism diminish in quality. I began to scare myself and knew things had to be different.
This event changed me fundamentally and forced me to consider my mental health as more than just something I experience, but something that has been controlling my life for as long as I can remember.
After struggling in the weeks following, I decided to begin to take action and figure out how to navigate my life on these new horizons. I knew I had to manage my mental health to stop it from consuming me and so that one day I could help others who find themselves in the same place.
These are ways I managed struggling with loneliness, anxiety and depression while learning how to be a college student.
- CAPS at Penn State
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As someone who never had access to therapy and grew up in a household where it was stigmatized, I didn’t realize just how beneficial getting more professional help could be.
After their preliminary analysis process, CAPS assigned me to a therapist who I began to see weekly.
I was able to talk freely and explain the things that consumed my every waking moment. The therapist was able to guide me to conclusions, give helpful advice and ease my conscious in meaningful hour-long sessions.
I began to feel more connected to my feelings, relating to and outside of my college experience thus far. It was a relief, and I started to overcome my feelings of hopelessness and purposelessness.
- Journaling
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Being a writer has always been a huge part of my life, and writing down the things on my mind just to get them out has been incredibly effective in easing the ache of my mental health.
On the days when I had bad panic attacks, flashbacks, shaking hands or chest aches, I found that starting writing about one thing could lead to the thing that was truly weighing on my conscious, allowing me nights of restful sleep and quieter thoughts.
- Music
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Music has always been a huge part of my life and one of my greatest coping mechanisms.
So often music can say the things that we cannot quite put into words, all while making “ugly” emotions seem more digestible or manageable.
I allowed the music to get the emotions out of me when I began to bottle them up, easing my anxiety and opening the doors for me to confront my true feelings.
- Being Honest with my Loved Ones
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“I’m fine, how are you?”
It’s the start of so many conversations, and in passing, saying you’re fine is a perfectly reasonable response. But, to the ones who you share love and trust with, it can be incredibly worthwhile to say that you’re not as OK as you let on.
Having honest conversations with my trusted family and friends let me see that I wasn’t alone and I didn’t need to be alone when dealing with everything that was on my plate.
They were there to lighten the load as I had been for them.
If anything, I am the closest I have ever been to the people I love despite geographically being across the country or world from them.
- Being Honest with Myself
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We are often our own worst enemy.
I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of speaking to myself constantly with self-doubt, imposter syndrome and loathing dripping from each word. But, these words hold no truth or value, which being honest with myself has shown me.
The world isn’t against us, it has too much going on in other places.
Recognizing that many of the things you say to yourself are bred from circumstance and not truth, it can allow you to free yourself from dependence on self-hatred.
I felt so hopeless and purposeless, but taking a moment to realize that I didn’t feel that way months ago, things were always changing and I wasn’t defined by one moment or person in my life made it easier to let go of the negativity that pervaded my headspace.
Try replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones when they come through, such as replacing “I can’t do this” to “This will be difficult, but I know I can do it.”
Be honest as to not be toxic, but don’t let the negativity be all-consuming.
Everyone’s story is different, as is yours from mine.
But, the resources around us often remain a constant, able to be used differently depending on the situation of the person in need of assistance.
Take these tips, mix and match them, and remember that there is always hope, help and a reason to keep fighting.