Sigh, what a major letdown. Once again, America finds itself smiling and nodding at the competitors facing off in the Super Bowl. 2025 will feature a head-to-head match between the Chiefs and the Eagles, and chances are I’ll be disassociating until Kendrick Lamar takes the stage for halftime.
Maybe the Gatorade color will be fun? A girl can dream. Regardless, I think America is begging for something new. Here is a guide to everything else exciting for the Super Bowl LIX so we can survive together.
Who, What, Where, and When
The Philadelphia Eagles (the green team with Jason Kel — wait, never mind) will play versus the Kansas City Chiefs (apparently, Kansas is real and not made up for the Wizard of Oz?).
The Super Bowl itself will be an amazing Kendrick Lamar concert and a showcase of brilliant advertisements, with some football played in between to pass the time.
The game will be located at the Caesars Superdome in New Orleans on Feb. 9. Kickoff is scheduled for 6:20 p.m. EST, which gives everyone plenty of time to order Wingstop.
Stream the game on FuboTV or watch via cable on Fox. In these moments, remember to mourn StreamEast.
Why America Hates the Chiefs
The history book on the shelf does tend to repeat itself. In 2023, the Chiefs beat the Eagles 38-35. In 2024, the Chiefs beat the 49ers 25-22. Snooze — it’s getting boring.
Will America once more be faced with a Chiefs domination; will the Eagles allow them to go three for three? I think the entirety of America is holding its breath and dollars spent on parlays.
At this point, it isn’t even rooting for an underdog. It feels like rooting for anything that isn’t the Chiefs. American commentary on the match-up aside, there is plenty else to be excited about in Superbowl LIX.
The Halftime Show
Wrapping around for his second Super Bowl halftime performance, Kendrick Lamar takes the main stage for Super Bowl LIX.
The show is sponsored by Apple Music, and SZA will be performing with him. While other potential collaborators have been rumored, including Tyler, the Creator from an NFL TikTok ad, none have been confirmed. I’ve been praying for a “family ties” reunion; Baby Keem — save us, Baby Keem — give the people what they want.
According to Marca News, some basically guaranteed songs we’ll hear include “DNA,” “Humble,” and “Not Like Us.” I have a feeling we’ll also hear some classics from To Pimp a Butterfly, like “Alright” and “King Kunta.”
As far as SZA’s vocals go, I know we’d all love to relive our Blank Panther eras and hear “All The Stars.” It could be a beautiful moment to honor Chadwick Boseman.
Fun Commercials to Anticipate
According to Forbes, Hellman’s has a fun commercial featuring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan’s characters from When Harry Met Sally. It combines a hilarious redo of a scene, mayonnaise, and Sydney Sweeney.
We’ll see Snoop Dogg and Tom Brady team up with the Foundation to Combat Antisemitism, Hailee Steinfeld with Novartis, Shania Tawin with Nestlé owned Coffee Mate brand, and Charli xcx with Uber Eats. What a lineup!
Recommendations for Viewing
Watch with your friends so you can laugh and point at the Chiefs. Make some bets to pass the time: a classic coin flip, under/over “Star Spangled Banner” run time, and the famous Gatorade color. Tally up how many times Taylor Swift will be on screen, and hopefully, you won’t be with a group of people who’ll moan about it every time or joke about a potential proposal. Eat a lot of junk food, and yell at the TV that you could do better than the players, even though you’re elbows deep in some buffalo chicken wings.
As an FSU girly, it breaks my heart that our beloved Keon Coleman was ripped off from his first Super Bowl with the Buffalo Bills. We could’ve had greatness and excitement ripple all through Tennessee Street, but now we have sadness, misery, and the Kansas City Chiefs.
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