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SBU | Life > Experiences

Sonder

Adria Hoadley Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

“Sonder- noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.” The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows  

It’s a Monday morning. I wake up ten minutes before my alarm goes off. As I lay there, my mind wanders. Those short ten minutes begin to feel like an hour as I think about everything going on in my life. I haven’t texted my mom in three days. I’m struggling to pass my English class. My acne is coming back. I finally get out of bed and shower, trying to wash away the thoughts that consume my mind. I miss my sister. My jeans don’t fit anymore. I need a job. I have to do laundry. Why do I feel so alone? 

As I dry my hair, I listen to the same playlist I listen to every morning. As my straightener heats up, I put on the outfit that I had picked out the night before. It doesn’t look as good as I imagined. As I straighten my hair, I push back the negative thoughts that I can’t seem to get rid of. I get ready to step out the door and spray my favorite perfume, hoping that today will be a good day. Although I try to have a positive attitude, I can’t help but feel like my life is some type of chaotic and beautiful movie, with me as the main character. 

I leave for class fifteen minutes early, giving myself extra time to wallow in self-pity and overanalyze every single aspect of my life that’s going wrong. I turn the corner and see a girl with perfectly slicked back hair, gold hoops, and a matching set. Allowing myself to judge, I assume that her life must be perfect because she looks ten times more put together than me. Then I stopped. Why is she leaving for class so early? 

Then it hits me: sonder. This stranger’s life is just as deep as my own. I’m not perfect and neither is she. I am the central character in my own life, and she is the central character in hers. I feel pain, joy, anxiety, anger, and sadness, and so does she. I’ll never know or understand what she goes through, but it brings me comfort to know that her life is just as chaotic as mine.  

The next morning, I wake up and repeat the same routine, except this time I don’t feel alone. I woke up a little earlier. I took a little longer in the shower. I sprayed a little more perfume. I left for class a little later. This is all okay because I know that there’s a stranger out there who feels as though their life is crumbling around them, but they’re not alone. I’m here. 

Adria Hoadley

SBU '26

Adria Hoadley is a senior at St. Bonaventure University from Union Springs, New York, and this is her third semester writing for Her Campus. Writing has always been her creative outlet, and she loves sharing her voice.

As a psychology major, Adria is passionate about mental health and often uses that topic to motivate her articles. After graduating with her undergraduate degree from SBU in the spring, she hopes to go on and get her master’s degree in school counseling. Apart from Her Campus, Adria is involved with several other clubs on campus and enjoys volunteering in her free time.

Outside of school, Adria enjoys spending time with friends, getting coffee, listening to music, and online shopping. Although she loves a fun night out, she can usually be found staying in and binge-watching Grey's Anatomy while brainstorming ideas for Her Campus articles.