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As college students, some of us may come from a background of always striving for perfect; perfect grades, essays, friendships, and careers. We’re always going to want more for ourselves and we can never appreciate what we’ve already accomplished. Personally, as a woman, an artist, and a 19-year-old girl growing up in the age of social media, I tend to be pretty hard on myself because I always need things to be perfect. I would push back projects that I’m excited to work on because if it doesn’t fit my vision to a T, then I forget it completely and move on to something else. Or, I find myself to be stuck on an idea even if I really want to complete it because I don’t feel like I’m capable of doing it “perfectly”. But as we get older, we have to realize that being perfect is unrealistic. Some of us are in our late teens to early 20s and we’re inevitably going to make mistakes or we’re not going to be happy with our bodies or appearances. So, how do we get out of this mindset of wanting to be perfect? If this is something that you struggle with, then here’s a list of some ways to learn how to be happy with your imperfections.
1. let yourself make mistakes
The most important advice I can give you is to just let yourself make mistakes. We’re humans, we’re supposed to make mistakes. Mistakes can help us grow and when we learn from them we can become better people. Mistakes can help us strive towards our idea of what “perfect”, and even then you’ll probably make more mistakes. Which goes to show that “being perfect” is impossible. Instead of focusing on the mistake that you made and the problems that may come along from it, focus on how to solve those problems and how to clean up your mess. Focus on how you’re going to do better the next time, because one mistake is not going to stop other opportunities from arising. There will always be another chance to reach your goals or to prove yourself.
2. Stop COmparing yourself to others
On social media, we tend to follow the lives of people who are already living the life that we envision for ourselves, have the bodies that we’re working towards, or the wardrobe that we don’t necessarily have the money for right now. Seeing these people constantly and comparing our lives to theirs, is unfair to the person we will become in the future. Not everyone is going to have the same path. Some people may achieve things earlier than others but that’s because that’s their path. Your path may require you to learn a couple more things or grow more as a person before you can achieve your dream career or body. To stop comparing yourself to others, maybe try taking some time away from social media or take what you see on social media and use it to encourage yourself to reach your goals or as inspiration for your own goals. Don’t use it as a way to chastise yourself for not living the life that you want.
3. focus on your Progress and wins
Along with not comparing yourself to others, you could focus solely on your progress and your accomplishments. It’s easy to focus on others and what they’re doing, I know. But, you’re not going to make any progress of your own if you’re sitting around upset because someone got an opportunity you wanted or reached a goal that you’ve been working towards for so long. You have to focus on where you’re at in life, if you’re happy with where you’re at, and, if not, how can you get to where you want to be. And be proud of the progress you have made along the way. Yeah, you didn’t get into the school you wanted, but you’ve finally made it college. Or, you don’t have a million followers on Tiktok yet, but girl, a thousand views each video is still a lot of people who love you and your content. Your progression may be slower than others and you may not have reached all of your goals in the time you thought you would, but you’re still making progress and that’s better than nothing. To help yourself stay focus on your progress and accomplishments, at the end of the month, write down some wins you got that month and some goals for the next one. It’s only up from here.
In the end, we’re still growing and we’re going to make mistakes along the way. Your mother made mistakes while she was growing up and so did your grandmother. Even Beyoncè makes mistakes. Probably. Either way, no one is perfect. Perfectionism is an idea that you will be constantly chasing and it will have you ignoring all of the things that make you unique and beautiful or that can make you a better person. So embrace your imperfections, because when you look back on all the times you feel you messed up, you will see that those mistakes ended up creating a beautiful and successful life.
To learn more about how to get out of having a perfectionist mindset, you could read books like The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson, Emotional Self Care for Black Women by Tiara Coleman, and Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head by Warsan Shire.