Dear Diary,
I’m graduating today. It’s surreal. It feels like I was walking the same stage at Reed Arena for high school graduation only a short while ago. But in 3 ½ years, my life has changed so much.
I entered Texas A&M University in a toxic relationship, a friend group that valued partying over meaningful friendships, and was pursuing a career path I felt forced into. I will be leaving single, with amazing lifelong best friends, and keeping all doors open to pursue whatever career path will make me happy. It was a drastic change and I truly don’t know if my freshman self would’ve appreciated the person I’ve become. But that’s a part of my growth.
Freshman me would have been appalled at my lack of plans for after graduation and the fact that I will not be attending medical school. Senior me is also sad about this but realizes that I spent the majority of my life planning for a career that wasn’t the best fit for me and therefore, pursuing a different path will be complicated due to the unknowns.
Freshman me would be shocked that we weren’t engaged or possibly married to who we considered the love of our life. Senior me realizes that I had a warped view of what love was and am finally learning to be confident and happy when I’m single. It took years of first dates and uncomfortable talking stages for me to finally come to this point, but now I’m able to enter adulthood with a realistic mindset about relationships.
Freshman me thought college was all about parties, social organizations, and keeping up my grades while I got drunk every weekend. Senior me has learned the hard way that I don’t need alcohol to have fun. I also didn’t need to go to parties or join the popular women’s organizations to make friends. I found my closest friends in the places I least expected – my random roommates sophomore year, a random academic organization I joined, and a study abroad I signed up for on a whim.
My college experience has been a series of unexpected events and plot twists. Not to mention, a big chunk of my time was hindered by a global pandemic.
As I sit here typing this out, it is becoming increasingly hard to write my conclusion. In part, this stems from my indecisiveness and newness to writing (as this hobby is one I only recently started to pursue). For the majority, it is hard to write a conclusion because I don’t have one. My time in college doesn’t necessarily feel concluded. I’m not graduating with any of my friends and a lot of them will be staying in College Station while I will most likely be moving to pursue career opportunities. It’s so scary but I’m telling myself it’s also 100% okay to be scared.
I’m graduating. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m freshman me and I’m senior me and I’m 5-year-old me who decided I was going to college. I am a continuation of my past selves and I hope 30-year-old me looks back at this and doesn’t think it’s cringy.
Thank you for listening and reading.