Breakups suck, there’s no question about it. It’s never fun to lose a person you care deeply about or deal with the rollercoaster of emotions that follows. There is no one-size-fits-all magical guide on what to do in order to move on, but these are tips that have genuinely helped me and my friends through our lows, and I think these are reminders that can be useful to everyone who’s ever had their heart broken.
- Don’t call, don’t text, do not contact them.
Going no contact, at least directly after the breakup, will help you process your own emotions, keep you from causing yourself more hurt and prevent you from sending any sad paragraphs or middle of the night messages that you may end up regretting later. It can be hard to imagine not talking to someone who was such a huge part of your life, but that’s exactly why it’s so important to take some time to sort your thoughts and emotions out on your own. The person who hurt you cannot help you through that hurt.
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions.
The end of a relationship is sad. It’s perfectly normal to feel hurt, confused or betrayed. It’s okay to cry, act out, take space and in general, be sad, angry and upset. Cry! It’s important to feel and recognize those emotions, rather than trying to ignore them or push them down. No one expects you to be 100% unaffected after getting your heart broken. Do whatever feels right to you–go for a drive with the windows down, cry in the shower, write angry poetry, blast Taylor Swift or anything that makes you feel most in tune with your feelings. These emotions will pass, it will get easier and you will move on. But right now, the best thing you can do for your future self is to allow yourself to truly process how you feel.
- Clear your room of all reminders of the relationship.
You don’t want your space to be filled with reminders of your ex. Put everything in a box—all the pictures, notes, any gifts they gave you and any of their clothes. Close the box, tape it shut and then give it to your best friend. Do not touch the box, at least until a predetermined date far in the future. You won’t want those things anymore once weeks or months go by, and having them now will just make you mope. We’ve all been there, but just trust me: sobbing into your ex’s hoodie is never actually going to make you feel any better.
- Stop yourself from looking back at old pictures and messages.
Don’t scroll through your favorites folder, tears sliding down your face. Or, don’t scroll through the old texts, questioning if any of it was real. Our phones and the Internet have made it incredibly easy to have memories of our past relationships stored at our fingertips, available to look at whenever we want. Don’t go looking in the past for happy memories. As much as your present feelings of heartbreak suck, clinging to those memories will only make you more upset, and will not help you move on. Just don’t do it—I promise those pictures will not cheer you up (you were probably out of their league, anyways).
- Don’t try to rebound right away.
As much as you may want to find someone new to make you feel better, that’s never a good idea. Take some time just for you, and wait before you re-download your dating apps, pursue that cute guy in your class or text an old fling. In the long run, a rebound will likely only make you feel worse. After a break-up, it’s good to have some alone time for a while. Rushing into something new will just slow down your healing process.
- Take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being.
The most important thing to do is put yourself first. Remember that you do not owe anyone anything, and your reaction and processing are your own. Everyone is different! Healing is not linear, so it’s up to you to recognize and fulfill your needs during this time. Try to do some things that normally make you feel better, talk to people who you care about and make sure you are getting sufficient sleep and eating enough. Moving on in a healthy way includes healthy coping mechanisms, so listen to your body and your mind and give them what they need.