1. God, I love Andy Cohen.
2. Lisa Vanderpump is straight up British royalty.
3. To be honest, Jax Taylor keeps getting nose jobs and I can’t detect any differences.
4. Scheana Shay is legitimately a Bratz doll, in the best way possible.
5. I’m loving Katie Maloney’s hair.
6. Tom Schwartz is a ball of cuteness.
7. Ariana’s dress is cute.
8. The only positive James Kennedy has going for him is his British accent.
9. Wow, shocker. James is currently suspended from Pump. Can’t say I didn’t see that one coming…
10. Jax is like a video game character that has unlimited lives. Everyone always forgives him.
11. Sandoval’s eye roll is spectacular.
12. Kristen is SO GOOD at being a detective. She is a genius.
13. I’m convinced James doesn’t have a soul.
14. When James says “Ugh, okay. No one asked you Kristen, God,” he sounds like he is bickering with his older sister.
15. I’m really confused as to why James thinks he is such a catch.
16. Kristen is the most self-aware person and that is something to be commended.
17. Sur’s employees are incestual.
18. Lala Kent’s glam squad 100% hates her.
19. I just had an epiphany that a “mactor” is a model/actor. Thank you, Andy Cohen, for bestowing this useful knowledge upon me.
20. I’m actually dying at the fact that Lala said she “Lost count” of how many rich guys have flown her out to exotic places. Same, girl. Same.
21. Lala is the female version of Jax. They are one.
22. Jax is the king of justifying everything and anything he has ever done or said.
23. Scheana and Michael Shay coming forward about Shay’s drug abuse is really brave.
24. I’m crying from laughing so hard that Jax doesn’t know what a colander is. #ComedyGold
25. Apparently, according to Sandoval, bulldozers are more important than your significant other’s birthday.
26. Haven’t the #PumpRules guys realized that things always go awry in Vegas?
27. Where is Faith?
28. Jax has surely been with a guy before.
29. The Toms’ butt tattoos are unreal.
30. *Googles “cool letter A”*
31. Why is Kristen being judged for taking her therapist’s advice of apologizing to people? Pretty sure that is the point.
32. Let’s be real – Giggy is the number 1 guy in the group.
33. I don’t believe Sandoval when he says he is “At peace with” Kristen.
34. Andy Cohen throwing shade is the best thing ever.
35. Welcome to dysfunction at its finest, Brittany Cartwright.
36. I really don’t see what Brittany sees in Jax.
37. Brittany is definitely too sweet and good for Jax.
38. Jax’s comparison of getting a boob job to getting a haircut is absurd.
39. I don’t believe that Brittany got the boobs she wanted: she got the boobs Jax WANTED.
40. It bothers me that Jax poops with the door open.
41. Um, Jax we don’t all poop with the door open. Don’t assume because it makes an “a-s-s” out of “u” and “me”. #PunIntended
42. Going into business with the Toms sounds like a nightmare.
43. Giggy could be a better brand ambassador for LVP Sangria than the Toms.
44. Schwartzie’s commitment issues scare me.
45. Ariana IS pessimistic. It is not an “assumption”.
46. This is the most toxic environment you’ve ever been in, Ariana? NEWSFLASH: This is reality television. Get with the program!
47. *Raises hand and agrees that therapy has changed Kristen.*
48. Sandoval getting angry is my favorite thing ever.
49. Sandoval fills in his eyebrows better than I do.
50. I enjoy that Lisa keeps telling Ariana not to swear, but not the others.
51. Tom and Ariana are never going to get the apology they want from Scheana, so in the words of James Bay, “Just let it go, just let it be…”
52. Lala can’t help but get involved in the conversation when it concerns #mamas.
53. Sandoval loves to hear his own voice.
54. I can’t take Lala seriously because she goes by Lala and not Lauryn.
55. I have trust issues because Lala spells Lauren as Lauryn.
56. Is being appropriate and self-respecting just not in the cards for Lala?
57. Lala, why do you think you are an expert on all things rap and gangster? Who put you as the spokesperson?
58. This is a reunion, Lala. You’re going to be interrupted.
59. Jax, you were “Way more flirty with Lala than you should have been”? Well, that is putting it lightly, to say the least.
60. The one smart thing James said: “What respectful woman would?” back up their partner up after acting inappropriately with someone other than their significant other.
61. The story of Jax stealing a pair of sunglasses never gets old. It just doesn’t. #SunglassHut
62. Jax is a straight up #klepto.
63. Jax has been to jail five times!? SOLID.
64. Brittany, you know you wouldn’t have moved across the country to live with Jax if you knew his record. Don’t you dare say “You don’t know.” Girl, you do know!
65. At least Jax knows he isn’t perfect.
66. ~*paraphrased*~ “It’s not you, it’s (the word) marriage.” – Jax to Brittany
67. “Maybe you can steal her a wedding ring!” – Sandoval to Jax #DEAD
68. I can’t wait for Queen Stassi to make an appearance in this shindig.
69. But really, are they ever going to bring Faith out?
70. Stassi looks drop dead gorgeous.
71. Props to Stassi for putting James in his place.
72. James, you are “trying” to become a gentleman one day? I’m not buying what you’re selling.
73. Stassi seems genuine.
74. Oh my god, Lisa does not sugarcoat her distaste for Stassi.
75. Wow, maybe Lala isn’t an alien. Her tears seem real.
76. James thrives off of a good temper tantrum.
77. Schwartz calling himself “The second weakest link” is so funny!
78. Ariana has the best judging faces.
79. Excuse me, how is James delicate?! Yes, he has a lanky bod; however, he deserves what is coming.
80. Ariana is way too uptight about sketch comedy for someone who does sketch comedy. #CalledOut
81. Jax is such a #yenta.
82. Tom and Ariana’s anthem should be “Us Against The World” by PLAY.
83. Long live #TequilaKatie.
84. Katie just wants Schwartzie to be on her #team. *Starts singing “Team” by Lorde.*
85. Kristen finally having girl code is the most hysterical thing.
86. James is so vulgar.
87. Lala’s hatred for Katie is concerning.
88. Pretty sure Kristen is a better party crasher than Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn from the Wedding Crashers.
89. Lala got upset when she was cut off while she was talking, yet she did that to Kristen and Stassi at Katie and Schwartz’s engagement party. #Hypocrite
90. Schwartz is right; America is still recovering from watching Lala’s Shish Tzu inspired hairstyle at the engagement party.
91. James’s hesitation regarding what he uses medical marijuana for says it all.
92. Jax, you don’t act 30+ years old, point blank.
93. “No one takes you seriously, James, and no one ever will.” – Katie speaking the truth.
94. Hate to break it to you DJ James Kennedy, you’re not the white Kanye West and you’ll never be headlining Coachella.
95. Is James really answering business texts during the reunion and trying to plug his own brand? This can’t be real.
96. Yes, Giggy and Schnooky taking the spotlight front and center.
97. I wish there was a part 4 to this reunion. #Tragic
98. I almost forgot about Peter Madrigal.
99. “Thank you (to everyone) for being so honest with your lives, except you, Jax, you’re a liar.” – Lisa Vanderpump, taking the words right out of my mouth!
100. No, seriously. Where the heck is Faith?
Photo credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18,
19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36,