We’ve all been there: a roommate was in a bad mood or you made an honest mistake, and now there’s unresolved tension in your living situation. While it can be difficult to work some issues out, it’s almost always worth a try. A living situation shouldn’t be causing you extra stress, so take a look at a few tips for resolving conflicts with your roommates.
If you made the mistake:
Maybe you’re a little too loud in the morning, or you snapped back at the roommate who asked you to take your stuff out of the shower. Whatever it was, take a deep breath and be prepared to apologize. A good way to approach the situation is to talk to your roommate alone and start by saying, “Sorry.” It’s a powerful word that will usually make your roommate more sympathetic. It’s hard to be on the “wrong” or guilty side of a confrontation, but learning to take responsibility for your actions is a valuable tool for a peaceful living situation.
If you’re the one who got hurt:
Especially in close living situations, it can be frustrating to resolve conflicts when you were the one whose feelings were hurt. If it looks like the offender isn’t going to apologize soon, think about what you want to say before confronting them.
Try sorting out your emotions and focus on the main reason you were hurt. Call a friend, sibling, or parent to talk it out, and resist the urge to talk to your other roommates about it. You don’t want the situation to get twisted around if someone relays your frustrated comments to the other roommate.
Then approach your roommate, and begin the conversation with how you felt. Say, “Hey, I just wanted to talk about that thing that happened earlier. I’m actually really hurt and angry about what you said.” Make sure it’s clear that the issue hurt you and that you would like to resolve the problem.
You may or may not get an apology, but at least you will have everything out in the open. Knowing that you’ve said your piece can make you feel more relaxed about the conflict and help you move on.
If it’s a communal problem:
Whether it’s the pile of dishes or the chore chart, it can be hard to resolve these issues by talking to just one roommate. If you can deal with a kitchen that’s slightly dirtier than your living standards, then leave it be.
However, if you just can’t live with the mess, call for an all-roommate meeting. It’s important not to gang up on anyone in particular, so bring up the topic and say, “Hey, I know it’s hard when you’re running late in the morning, but if you could please just take dirty dishes off the counter and have them in the sink, that would give us a lot more usable space in the kitchen. I know I do it sometimes too, but I’m asking everyone to put a little more effort into this.”
I personally live with five other girls, and we usually have one or two of these meetings each quarter to bring up specific issues like the dishes. It’s usually easier to talk things out in a group setting, because there are more people to mediate if the issue really boils down to a conflict between two roommates.
I firmly believe that a living space should be a comfortable environment. I’m not saying there should never be conflicts, but there are ways to resolve conflicts that prevent circumstances from getting out of hand. Be as communicative and understanding as you can be, and you should be able to work through anything that comes your way.