At some point in their academic careers, many university students will find themselves standing in from of an empty fridge or pantry, stomach gurgling, and wonder what on earth they are going to eat. Who is the saviour that so many people turn to in these times of crisis? That’s right: Pasta. HC UBC decided to sit down and have a chat with this reliable and yummy staple food that gets us through our darkest cash-strapped days.
HC UBC: What’s the best way a student has ever cooked you?
Pasta: I’m not sure if I could tell you the best, but I can definitely tell you the weirdest. That’s always when the student gets desperate and just throws all the random stuff from the back of the fridge and the top shelf and anything they can get their hands on into a bowl and calls it a meal. Somehow I always seem to be included, and half the time it comes out looking like Buddy the Elf’s breakfast.
HC UBC: How do you feel about your role in the diets of so many broke college kids?
Pasta: I’d like to say that I’m flattered, but honestly I’m a little concerned as well. When I look at a person who has eaten nothing else for the last two weeks I can’t help but ask “Who hurt you?” The answer is usually “the student loans board.”
HC UBC: Do you ever get competitive with the other bulk grain foods?
Pasta: I mean, I have a friendly rivalry with Rice, we go way back. Then you’ve got your superfoods like Quinoa and Amaranth who think they’re big shots because the media’s all over them, but their popularity is going to fizzle out soon, mark my words. Me, I’ve got staying power.
HC UBC: What about Kraft Dinner?
Pasta: Do not get me started on Kraft Dinner. That guy is a complete blowhard who couldn’t provide an ounce of nutrition to save his life. Do you know he keeps trying to get people to call him “K.D.”? It’s like he’s the Justin Bieber of pasta foods, and we all know that the only people who actually like Justin Bieber are tiny children who don’t know any better.
HC UBC: Dare I even ask about Ramen?
Pasta: Screw that guy. I hate his savoury guts.
HC UBC: Okay, moving on. I seem to recall there being a religion centered around the existence of a flying spaghetti monster a few years back. Any affiliation?
Pasta: Oh yeah, good old Flying Spaghetti Monster. You know, he’s a bit too fond of… *mimes drinking from a bottle* … but if he wasn’t we wouldn’t be here I suppose-he created the world while he was totally sloshed. Him and those Pastafarians are a wild bunch, but they’re essentially a good group. Plus, any religion that declares every Friday a holiday is fine in my book.
HC UBC: Thanks for taking the time to talk to us, Pasta. If you had to give advice to the students reading this, what would you say?
Pasta: Eat a vegetable once in a while guys. Please. For your own good.
Photo credits: taste.com/au, goodtoknow.co.uk, giphy.com, vegaproduce.com, walmart.ca, redbubble.com