It was the perfect setting: sand beneath my toes, the sun crisping my back, enchanting turquoise waves that curled in a spiral before cresting. My brothers surfed on boards rented from the resort and my mom lay in the hammock watching them, giving a periodical thumbs-up when they found their balance.
Could this day be any more perfect?
My Dad ran up behind me on the beach calling my name. I didn’t hear him for some time until he was directly behind me, at which time his hollers rattled my skull.
“Can I join you?” He asked.
I nodded. He fell in sync with my stride. Like father, like daughter.
“Can I talk to you about something?”
It seemed rude to say no, being that he was my Dad. So, I agreed.
“It’s about your mom…”
That’s all I had to hear to know where the conversation was leading. Divorce. That’s why my parents dragged us all the way down here to Central America. Won’t be as hard to take the news if they’re playing with baby turtles and sipping on Pina Coladas, right? Not the case, Daddy. Not the case.
I listened patiently as my Dad tore into my Mom.
The story he told was confusing. I got lost. Even as a writing student myself, I couldn’t keep track of who was the hero and who the villain, maybe because I loved them both, and the evil of the story was not Mom or Dad, but them together. I waited for him to wrap up, offered him a hug, and as he trudged away, let the tears stream down my face.
Now, I’m not much of a crier. Somewhere between elementary school bullying and high school cliques I stopped giving a shit and permanently retired my tear ducks. But I cried that day. Oh, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, I cried. I literally squatted on the beach in my itsy-bitsy pink bikini and sobbed. I’m pretty sure that I sat there with my crack out rocking back and forth, giving the locals a good view of a Canadian rear for a solid twenty minutes. At least, that’s my best guess, because when I stood up and told myself to get a fucking grip, a fisherman was sitting behind me, smiling.
So, where am I going with this? Why would I share something so tragically personal? Well, because I had to have a game plan after getting that load of stress and sadness dumped on me if I was going to return to my Canadian university and slay at my classes, dating life, clubs and work like I wanted to. So, here’s what I planned:
1. Do something fun once a week that makes me so f*cking happy, I could be a character in High School Musical. For me, that was attending a weekly comedy show that my friends had been begging me to go to FOR-EVA. It has recently turned into a possible stand-up gig. Exciting, right?
2. Don’t fake it. Break it. I decided that when I went back to uni, I would break the news about my horribly dramatic tropical vacation to my best friends at school. I knew from experience that lying was only going to make me to suffer in solitude and would let the feelings manifest until they consumed me completely. And I was not about that.
3. Yoga. Personally, I hate the gym. Always have, always will. But I knew that if I was going to feel happy while managing my parents’ separation that I needed to be happy with myself first. For me, that comes down to putting time aside to stay active five times a week so that I can get those jolly endorphins racing and feel happy with my developing hot bod. (Emphasis on developing).
4. Get up Early. This implies going to bed at a reasonable hour. For me, this means 10:30pm and waking up at 7/7:30. I find that when I start my day before the rest of the world, I pamper myself with either a nice hot shower or some productive study time. Either way, I feel fresh and alert by the time I hit my 9:30 class and have already gotten some sh*t done. I then can turn to my besties and ask, What the hell have you f*ckers been doing? You look awful. Kidding, I would never…?
5. Use my calendar on my computer. For some reason, staying happy to me means scheduling every little detail of my life on my laptop so I never have to stress about where I am supposed to be. I usually have my laptop with me so I can check what room my class is in on the way if I wish or double check the date my next paper is due. It is so lovely being organized. Would recommend.
6. Be Real. I decided to stop lying to myself about things this year. I admit when I am feeling really sad about my parents’ turmoil even if I know deep inside I cannot change their marriage (or lack thereof). I also decided to stop lying about things I didn’t like in my life that I could change, like my job. I realized that as fun as it was, I didn’t have time for it with a full course load and clubs. That took a weight off my chest just knowing that by the end of the term, I could say bon voyage to another stress and Hola to a freed-up time table.
7. Study like a mother-f*cker. I want A’s. I mean, doesn’t everyone? In a weird way my parent’s separation has made it even more likely for me to achieve that goal since I want to keep busy all the time instead of thinking too long about it. So, thank you, I guess? Kind of.
Anyway, that was a lot of emotions and thoughts splattered onto one little article. But if you are still listening, here is one piece of advice I truly hope you take away. I don’t know you all, but everyone at some point has that moment when sh*t hits the fan. It’s not fun for any of us. It certainly wasn’t for me this holiday, but making a strategic plan for how I wasn’t going to let that hiccup bother me has honestly been the best choice I have ever made. It is quite empowering to be thrown a hard situation and still choose to not let it slow down my goals. Sure, it bothers me. I cry sometimes, but I am still kicking ass in my day-to-day life. I am achieving my dream marks. I decided to leave my job come the end of term. My body is seriously looking killer from my yoga… the dating part I still have to work on, but I am putting myself out there, which is a start. I hope that from this article you, whomever you may be, can find a way to keep achieving your goals even when shit hits the fan for you too.
If you have any words of wisdom on how to deal with tough situations. Please share them below! Lots of love!