This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Rowan chapter.
• It makes you feel like a horrible person.
All the time. OCD has a warped way of making you feel as though you are a lying cheater, for merely looking at someone of the opposite sex. It twists a simple thought into a horrifying idea, thus convincing you of misleading conclusions. I feel guilty every second just for feeling moody, for standing up for myself, for tiny mistakes.
• It does not make you as neat as everyone expects.
Many people think that OCD victims are psychotically clean and organized at all times. This is far from true. Although some people with OCD are excessively neat, many of us are just as untidy and disordered as other people are.
• It causes constant doubts.
OCD is often referred to as the “doubting disorder.” We doubt everything, from our sanity to our love for a significant other. It is an obstacle just to be able to trust ourselves. There is rarely a time when we are 100% sure about something; so when there is, you had better believe us!
• It fills your head with disturbing, recurring images and ideas.
When I was in, mind you, second grade, I had seen it all—sexual images of people I barely knew, violent scenes where I hurt my own mother, and other inappropriate, scarring notions. My head was—and still is—a storm of ridiculous, uncontrollable thoughts.
• It plagues your mind with irrational thoughts.
I like to call them my inner demons. Not only have I seen it all, I also have heard it all in my mind: “You want her to die,” “You don’t love him,” “You want to cheat,” “You don’t trust your own best friend,” “You’re psychotic.” It is tough to be your own best friend when you are constantly battling yourself and your mind. I like to think that there is a me under the influence of OCD, and there is a sober me; my disorder does not define who I really am.
• Obsessions are just as common as the compulsions.
I hear it all the time: “So, do you, like…wash your hands a million times a day?” Well…yes, I do actually. But there is much more to OCD than avoiding germs. The obsessions that drive our compulsions are what really scare us. The worst part is that we know most of our obsessions are irrational. Trust me, we wish we had something normal to worry about, like a failing a test or losing a family member (though we worry about those things too.) Our obsessions are insane and foolish not only to other people but also to us; unfortunately, that does not make us worry any less.
• It trains your mind to work in circles.
Sometimes, the only way for us to feel better is to confess our thoughts to someone close to us; the issue is that, by doing so, we only feed the fire within our minds. It causes us to search for an understandable explanation, but OCD is never reasonable. By confessing, I personally seek for reassurance of my sanity, of my intentions. Though it is a temporary relief, it is not long before the next obsession arises; and the process is repeated.
• It takes attention and joy away from each day.
It is a struggle just to get out of bed every day. OCD makes you second, third, fourth, fifth-guess every little decision you make, every thought you have, every minor detail of your relationship. It is exhausting to perform a simple task; my mind is in a constant battle from OCD, to the point where I can barely focus on my school work or my free time with friends and family. There is not one second that passes where I can escape my mind. This complicates the best things in life, such as relationships with friends, family, co-workers, significant others, etc.
• It is not a mental illness.
Despite the common belief, OCD is not a mental illness; it is categorized as an anxiety disorder.
• Medication is not the only solution.
Though many people turn to medication, there are other options. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy works wonders for OCD victims.
Despite these ten aspects of OCD, I would not change a single thing about it. Sure, there are times where I feel that I am trapped inside my own terrifying, irrelevant world while everyone around me is living carefree lives; but I am more passionate, sensitive, loving, and understanding than most people. Those who struggle are able to sympathize—all I wish is to help others.