College is a busy time for many: between classes, cultivating friendships, focusing on the future and looking for a significant other, it is typical to feel as if there is never enough time. Then a classmate approaches and asks for help studying. You cannot possibly say “no” at that point!
Except you can, and sometimes you should.
One of the hardest lessons in life to learn is how to say “no” to adding more to your already overflowing plate of responsibilities. However, if you keep piling more and more to the plate, sooner or later a task will slip out of your hands.
Trust me, I understand how difficult it is to say “no” when people ask for help. My first thought is always: “Wow, they asked for my help! What if I’m the only person they trust with this responsibility; how can I say no?” Just like that, I’m backed into a corner of my own making.
There is a pretty common pattern for overloaded plates. For a few days or weeks, everything seems to be under control. However, little things start being missed. Then, the items undone on the checklist begin to get more and more important until, finally, the entire plate falls to the ground and shatters.
Suddenly, helping one extra friend study for an exam feels like being spread too thin. The pressure of school, work and relationships has built too high to simply simmer down; rather, it explodes inside your mind and reveals itself by causing you to become easily frustrated with yourself and others.
Here are a few ways to let people know, respectfully, that you have too much on your plate:
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Be honest. If a friend asks for help with homework but you can hardly get through your own homework, be honest and tell her that you have too much going on. Just try to keep calm and don’t yell or snap, even if you are stressed.
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Offer advice, not help. If your friend really needs help but you are way too busy, offer some suggestions for ways they can study. If the subject they are struggling in happens to be a topic you are familiar with, point your friend in the direction of good resources and more qualified assistance.
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Make time for yourself. In the midst of a busy lifestyle, it is crucial to remember to take some time off from work and school just to relax. Do not feel bad taking a short break every now and then. After all, taking breaks has been known to help rejuvenate and refresh your mind and body.
Above all, just remember that saying “no” is not a bad thing; you have not failed if you cannot complete every task and responsibility that you are asked to complete. Simply being asked for help is a high honor.
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