Fear: that tedious weakness that we don’t want others to know we feel, and sometimes, we don’t want to recognize it ourselves. We like to believe we are invincible, strong, powerful, that nothing can stop us… until we see a spider crawling in our bedroom. Then we take screaming to a whole new level. It’s the risk of losing something or someone we hold valuable, like status, security or in worst case scenarios, life.
We fear to be alone, ignored, discriminated, hated or create wrong impressions of ourselves. In other words, we fear to be so different from others that nobody understands us. Scared to the point of not having something in common. “What others might think” is an example of this exact argument. However, there’s more than that. For all of us graduating or simply leaving university for one reason or another, some of us might fear going home. We’ve been out for so long, we believe we won’t be able to behave accordingly to their customs and norms. We started our lives somewhere else, going home seems like restriction to some of us, like Belle singing “there must be more than this provincial life!” Not all of us have to face this, as some might be glad to go back.
You see, the beauty in this world lies in that we are all different. Whilst you might be afraid to go back, some are afraid of the reality they are facing now. First years, especially international students, might be afraid of the unknown, of what lies beyond the atlantic or pacific ocean, or not even that, but what is hiding up north. It’s scary, maybe terrifying. Why do you think McGill provides so many ways to help their students? Well, because even though they might not understand the struggle, they know it’s there. Funny thing empathy, it makes you help out your neighbour even though you haven’t been through the same thing.
Nevertheless, moving in or out is just one of many situations we all have to face at one moment or other in our lives. How many times have you been afraid? How many times have you doubted yourself? Felt paralysed or unable to even mutter a word? Wanted to run away and hide? If you’re lucky, then only the first two questions apply to you, but again, we’re all different. The wonderful thing is that in our difference, we’re all the same. We all fear something, the same way we all have something we hold dear. I personally believe that our greatest fear is to be lonely.
Let me explain what I mean by being lonely; it is not the same as being alone. Being alone is when you’re reading peacefully in your room, when you walk up Mont Royal early in the morning because you want to catch a glimpse of the sunrise over Montreal or when you’re taking a stroll around the city. Lonliness is the overwhelming, wistful, dreadful feeling that we tend to run away from or are caught up in. Now, this feeling comes in so many shapes and sizes it’s hard to see or define it at first glance. So, let me give you some very relatable and realistic examples.
First, the couple that stays together because that’s what they’re used to. Love isn’t there anymore; they start considering their options, they know they won’t be able to keep their façade for long, but they will still play around with their relationship for a little bit longer. These two have been so long together, they’ve completely forgotten how they were as individuals. They are afraid of being lonely, of the possibility of not finding something better than what they have right now. People get caught up in these situations all the time. It doesn’t have to be with a significant other, it can be a friend. You don’t want to let go, and believe that the situation is meant to be like that, everyone goes through rough patches. It’s true, but it’s that: a patch and not a lifestyle. If you don’t love the other person or do not see a reason to be with him or her, then why are you together? It’s scary to be single, to not have someone say “I love you” or show they care 24/7, but it’s ok. The beauty of being single is, that you get to say and think those things to yourself. Although it’s a cliché, it’s true, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Only then you can see that being single is not an issue.
There’s a YouTube video by crabstickz, I’m single and I love it, that explains this in a funny way. It’s as if we need to have a significant other, and post it on Facebook to feel like we’ve accomplished something. It doesn’t work like that. Relationships (like friendships) do not become stronger the more you boast about them; it won’t make them more true. Using the example of going back home, you fear being misunderstood and ending up lonely even in your own home. The thing is, you won’t know until you try. Even if this is true, you work your way out of it. It’s always better than running away or hiding yourself in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. I understand it’s hard. Hell, everything in this life is. Excuse my melodramatic tone, but then again, when talking about personal issues, there’s no other tone I could use.
Also, I do get that the media doesn’t help. In all the chick-flicks where the girl gets the guy. Coincidentally, it’s the badass character that somehow undergoes an attitude change just to be with her. They go through hardship together, find mutual understanding, and voilà! lived happily ever after. If only life were that easy… But don’t even get me starting on how wrong it is to change your entire personality for someone else… This doesn’t exclude music. How many songs are about a breaking heart? About the one that got away? Loving someone or expressing how lucky the singer is because they found their special someone? Countless. Now, how many are there about people being single and happy? I state my case.
Here’s a little secret: whenever you think being single/lonely is scary, think again, as nine times out of 10, you’re not – you’re just unable to see your company. Furthermore, watch Under the Tuscan Sun. Not the best chick-flick, but it’s meant to be a bit more than that.
Photos Retrieved From: http://www.winextra.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/fear.jpg, http://wearechange.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brain_vs_heart-1920×10… and http://i.imgur.com/BjQWKB4.gif.