There’s a lot of us out there, a lot of us who hate the fact that we have to deal with this every single day of our lives. We dread waking up in the morning because we know we can’t escape those unceasing worries that continue to creep up on us. There’s also a lot of us who keep positive, and know deep down inside that one day it’ll get better, that one day we’ll cope with it better.
The worst part about all of this is that most people don’t understand, don’t believe, and even trivialize the pain, frustration, and inconvenience that’s associated with anxiety. We get it, life isn’t sunshine and rainbows for everyone. We’ve all got our stories, and we’ve all got our pain. We won’t ever try to take that away from you because we know what it’s like to suffer. All we ask is that you return the favor and quit downplaying the severity of our mental illness.
So, I’m here to set some things straight and give you folks a little idea of what it’s like to live with anxiety. Even though there are countless other things we need you to know, these are some of the most important:
1. Anxiety is more than just being nervous
Granted, we’re always nervous but that’s DEFINITELY not all it is. It’s a constant worry that plagues our thoughts and actions. It almost seems like we can never get rid of it, as if we’ll never be free from the paralysis that accompanies such a struggle.
2. We know our worries are irrational
It really gets me when people say that we’re being irrational. Hello, we know this. We aren’t stupid. We just can’t control the pattern of our thoughts. Sometimes, they get the best of us but we try every single day to quiet them.
3. We can’t be “fixed”
You can’t fix us. We aren’t some toy that’s broken. We aren’t our mental illness. We just deal with it. The less you treat us like a wounded puppy, the more you’ll understand us.
4. We can’t help but be tired all the time
We’re exhausted, completely drained. Not only are we mentally tired, we’re physically and emotionally tapped out. For most of us, we have to put so much effort into navigating through and restraining our thoughts that we lose sleep over it. It’s a dreadful cycle.
5. There isn’t always a cause for it
Now, it’s true, some of us undergo traumatic experiences that trigger anxiety, whereas others don’t necessarily have that one experience to point to – it just develops without cause or reason. Regardless of what, when or how it develops, it becomes our own personalized hell.
6. Symptoms differ for every person
There isn’t some sort of a list of symptoms that each of us check off. Some may suffer from panic attacks, insomnia, difficulty breathing, or experience body numbness and tingling. I can tell you that every single one is equally difficult to manage.
7. Your clichéd phrases to help us don’t actually help
When you say things like “it’s all in your head” or “there’s nothing to worry about” it does the exact opposite of helping us. We know you mean well, and that your intentions are pure but the truth is, clichéd advice like that just makes us feel invalidated, as if you don’t believe or understand the depths of our pain. We just need you to be there and listen when our anxiety cripples us.
8. There is no perfect cure
Contrary to what some folks believe, there is no single, all-eradicating cure. We may be prescribed different medications to help calm us down, or we may be taught certain exercises to become more mindful and less anxious, but it doesn’t just disappear into thin air. Even with all the help, we still deal with it every single day.
9. Cancelling plans is a must sometimes
We get that it might be annoying for our partners, family or friends sometimes because we cancel plans, but for the most part, we have no choice. Our anxiety takes over our every move, our every thought and we can’t bear to get out of the house and attempt or be expected to have fun and hold a conversation.
10. Our normal isn’t the same as your normal
Our normal is trying to distract ourselves enough so that our anxiety doesn’t take over every aspect of our lives. Your normal, as I can only imagine, is extremely different and that’s no one’s fault. We know this. It’s just reality.
All in all, it can really suck. Sometimes, what we need is for you to just know and try to understand what it is we deal with.