Anyone who knows me would tell you I hate change. Or at least, I used to hate change. I used to hate anything that upset the balance of my life or anything that required me to let go and move one. But eventually, I had to learn that change is inevitable, and the only way to face it is to embrace it wholeheartedly.
Flashback to middle school, when I sat at a sleepover with my best friends on graduation night, crying over the fact that we would all be going separate ways. I dreaded that first day of high school, when I would have to walk into a school without my childhood friends flanking me on either side. And when that day inevitably arrived, I went in with the attitude that nothing would change: not my friends, not my life, and certainly not me.
I went through each day of freshman year holding on to the past, spending every lunch period texting my friends at other schools and every weekend hanging out with them. I wanted to pretend nothing had changed because I thought it would make me happier, but in reality, it only made me miserable.
After my freshman year at my town’s public school, I decided to transfer to an all-girls private school that two of my childhood best friends attended. They always seemed so happy, and seemed to have made an entire new group of friends. I figured if it had worked out for them, it had to work out for me, right?
When I got there, dressed in my knee-length plaid skirt and white collared polo, I was excited to finally have a positive high school experience filled with parties, friends, and fond memories. But it only took me one day to realize I had made one of the worst mistakes of my life. I sat in classrooms filled with girls who already knew one another, in a school filled with all these new and often unspoken rules. I had never wanted to go to an all-girls school, and I suddenly wondered why I ever thought I would be happy in this completely unfamiliar environment.
Of course, I was stuck here for the year and I found that, in that year, I completely lost myself. I was depressed and developed unhealthy habits to cope with what seemed like a nightmare of my own making. I was completely alone and isolated, and spent each day just trying to get by.
The following fall, I made the brave decision to go back to the very high school I had tried to run away from freshman year. I was terrified to walk back into my public high school, knowing I would be the girl who left after just one year. It was junior year now- most people had formed great friendships and knew the school inside and out. I had a few girls from there who I still talked to, including my best friend from middle school, who I still regretted abandoning after freshman year. But, I knew the transition wouldn’t be easy.
Flash forward to high school graduation day. I’m 18 years old, and surrounded by people I know will be my lifelong friends. In the two years after I went back to my public school, I found myself finally embracing high school. I made friends, I made memories, and I finally rediscovered myself. To be completely honest, those two years of high school were some of the best years of my life.
Of course, though, I was facing another huge change on the horizon, one bigger than anything I had ever experienced before: I would be going to college. This meant moving away from the home I had lived in all my life, and going alone to a city where I didn’t know a single person. The panic set in. Why did I think I could handle this? It had seemed like things had just started to get good again and it seemed like it was all being ripped away.
I’ll admit, I tried to run away from college, too. Even after I had enrolled and put down my deposit, I tried to convince my parents to let me take a gap year. However, they thankfully reminded me I was doing what I did in high school. I couldn’t run from every big change in my life. So, I pulled myself together, packed up my things, and went to college. I was terrified, but determined to embrace it this time, remembering what had happened in the past when I tried to run.
And you know what? Embracing this change has left me the happiest I’ve ever been. My roommate became my best friend, and my small dorm room became a home away from home. I fell in love with the city, and had so many experiences in my freshman year alone that I will forever be thankful for. And the best part was, embracing the change in my life helped me to grow. Because as much as we hate change, it’s what makes us into who we are.