6. “Are you sure I’m doing this right?”
Faking it isn’t bedroom advice we usually dole out. But repeatedly asking for reassurance kills both your confidence and his mood. Our take on this situation? Skip the third degree and fake it ‘til you make it. If you’re still skeptical of your performance, use all of that super-duper college knowledge and read his body language. You can thank us and your psych 101 teacher later.
7. “Does this mean we’re Facebook official?”
We’ll try to break this to you quickly and with minimal pain: No, it doesn’t. While it hasbeen said that if you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss, make no assumptions or inquiries during your late-night smooch marathon. Forget or disregard this tidbit, and you will forever be known as the Stage-Five Clinger of his inner circle, a title we sincerely hope you get through college without receiving. (And can we advise you to decrease Zuckerberg’s influence on your love life? That dude’s hogged enough fame already. Don’t let him steal the spotlight in your relationship, too.)
8. “Did I take my birth control today?”
Despite whatever amount of Baby Fever you are currently experiencing, let us assure you that your hook-up buddy does not share in your sentiments. His fear at hearing you utter these seven little words will put a giant, ugly damper on the evening’s happenings. Do yourself a favor: channel your inner Girl Scout, and always be prepared. Unless, of course, you’re curious to see a guy go from “Hell, yes” to “Hell, no” in two seconds flat. Then, by all means, blab away.
9. “Let’s break up.”
We get it – saying goodbye is never easy. But while men have proven they are truly the worst at handling break-ups (we’re looking at you, Jack “Post-It Note” Burger and Joe “25-Second Phone Call” Jonas), suggesting a split while straddling your guy is not the right way to stick it to the male species. Talk about sending mixed signals. Save the serious discussions for outside the bedroom. And, hey, if he’s down for some post-break-up nookie, go for it. Just don’t leave him with no choice.
10. “You’re thinking of someone else, aren’t you?”
Nothing makes a guy lose interest in a girl quicker than said girl exhibiting zero self-confidence. We hate to go all Oprah on you, but as long as you haven’t handcuffed him to the bedposts against his will, give yourself the credit of thinking he is enjoying your company. Shy of having Jessica Alba strut through the door, we’re betting your kisses will keep him pretty satisfied and occupied.
11. “Did you eat onions for dinner?”
Yes, being able to tell what your guy had for dinner while kissing him is the pits. At this point, though, he’s probably as aware as you are of the fact that the chipotle taco salad with extra grilled onions was a poor choice for a Friday night meal. Rather than call him out, reach into your purse, pop him a breath mint and get on with your hook-up.
Second chances are awesome, but saying one of these things mid-hook-up means you can pretty much kiss yours goodbye. Here’s to hoping you get through your next one without a hitch!
