Joel Dobben

 Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.

I'm a senior in college, but I haven't been sexually involved yet, because I simply want a deep loving relationship before going any further, but men seem to be intimidated by my inexperience for some reason. I don't know what to do, so should I tell or not tell about my lack of sexual history in a budding relationship? - Inexperienced at Ithaca

Inexperienced,

You have made an admirable and mature decision. Plus everyone at Cornell and Ithaca is really attractive and there isn’t much else to do besides work up there, so special kudos. In the environment of most contemporary colleges, the mere prevalence of casual sex pressures many to engage in hook-ups that leave them feeling emotionally unfulfilled. It sounds like you have made a decision that is right for you, and I’m sorry that you feel it has affected how guys treat you.

I’m curious as to how guys “seem to be intimidated.” I wonder if some of it is in your head. You’ve made a decision that works for you, but you may feel self-conscious because you worry about being unusual. You also may be volunteering this tidbit about yourself too early. If you’re sharing this on a first date, or even if you’re not dating, a guy is going to be freaked out.

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male?  Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
 
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We are long distance, Chicago and New York, but he refuses to come visit me. I go home to Chicago where we both live and visit him all the time whether at school downstate or at home. How can I approach the visiting situation without sounding clingy or pushy? — Stressed About Long Distance at Lehigh
 

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male?  Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
 
I've had feelings for my best guy friend for awhile. Whenever we drink together, we have sex and he always initiates it, but we literally never talk about it when we're sober. I don't know if this means he has feelings for me and is too nervous when he's sober to acknowledge them, but I want to talk about this with him. How should I go about doing that? - Friends With Benefits at Bard

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.

I was casually dating a guy for a couple weeks before I left to go across the world for the summer. But for my travels we would have been in an official relationship. I really care for him and while I respect that he can't do long distance, I am worried about him forgetting about me while I'm gone. How do I keep in touch without acting like we're in a relationship? - Across the Ocean from Appalachian State

Across the Ocean,

Well that’s a bummer, but I think you can navigate your way around it. It’s tough to have someone you care about be tens of thousands of miles away, especially when your relationship is in a real gray area. You have to be really careful to not behave as if you and this guy are together. The first thing I think you need is a step back. You were not and are not now in an official relationship. You don’t know for sure that things would have worked out even if you were in the same place. Your language sounds a tad dramatic: “across the world” and “but for my travels” makes this sound like a sweeping romance. I’m not sure the guy would use the same language. I say it’s better to actually forget that you casually dated and view this guy as a crush with whom you want to keep in contact.