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I finally understand the hype, besties; Timothée Chalamet is charming AF. He’s always been a great actor, but I’m just now starting to notice his nuance. During a Dune press event, Chalamet was seen greeting his co-stars Sharon Duncan-Brewster and Rebecca Ferguson by kissing their hands. A TikTok of the moment went viral, causing millions of heart eyes over Timothée, simply because he offered an old-fashioned (dare I say vintage?) hello. It doesn’t take that much to idealize a man, does it?

Comments on the video range from “Protect him at all costs, he’s probably the only gentleman left,” to “He was written by a woman,” meaning a man is so wonderful a woman probably created him herself, carefully curating his personality, mannerisms, and good looks. Don’t get me wrong, we love to see a genuinely kind person in action! But I feel obliged to address something: was Chalamet written by a woman, or are we just blindsided by a well-mannered man? 

People who are attracted to men are so used to encountering guys with awful traits that they make other men – averagely polite individuals – seem perfect. The bar is literally on the floor for men, and I know that for a fact because for a long time I had very low standards for them. “Did he just remember my name?” How thoughtful! I’ve since come to realize how much more I deserve than someone that didn’t forget my name after the first meeting. Since we’re so used to receiving so little from men, sometimes the line the separates the bare minimum from everything else can seem blurry. 

Chalamet, for example, offered those women a genuinely sweet greeting. But did he go above and beyond in doing so? Sure he’s not bad to look at, but to become enchanted by someone, shouldn’t it take much more than good looks and a kiss to the hand to have us all swooning? It’s easy to fall for the idea of someone, especially celebrities. Whenever we see our favorite white boy doing something nice, our minds can create his entire personality based on the one nice thing we really admire about him; but it’s important to fall for the person that’s right in front of you, and not the idea you have of them – only one of those things is real. More importantly, we have to be careful to differentiate a common courtesy from the characteristics that actually make someone special. 

Being nice? Greeting people? Remembering your name? Bare minimum. Is he good at communicating and texting back? Nice, but still the bare minimum. “My boyfriend is so incredible, he’s never raised his voice at me!” Guess what? Bare minimum. “He has such good personal hygiene!” As a virgo, I say this proudly: BARE MINIMUM. “He didn’t try to sleep with me when I was drunk!” Let’s say it louder for the people in the back: bare minimum!! All of the above is just what’s expected of anybody.

So let’s all agree that we need to raise the bar far above just being a nice person. We all want to be with a nice guy, but what does he have to offer other than that? That’s something only you can decide. Do you want someone with an amazing sense of humor? Someone adventurous enough to travel the world with you? Someone who has a passion for music, or has never lost a trivia game? Mentalize the type of person you want to be with, and sure, fantasize about the way he’ll kiss your hand when he picks you up or holds the car door open for you when you leave, but make sure you’re not settling for someone just because they’re polite. As for Timothée Chalamet, I’ll continue to admire him from afar, but until I know what his introductory fun fact is and whether or not he wears socks to bed I simply can’t idealize him. 

Carolina is a national contributing writer and was formerly a summer and fall 2021 editorial intern at Her Campus. She's a Brazilian journalist and writer, and she's very passionate about TikTok, coffee shops, and Taylor Swift.