Spring break: a sunny week filled with drinks, friends and flirty guys. If you’re looking to have a little fun this spring break but don’t want to say goodbye to your hottie once the week comes to an end, you’re in the right place. If you play your cards right, you could turn your spring break fling into a relationship in no time. We talked to Dr. Ish Major, board-certified psychiatrist and author of Little White Whys to give you a step-by-step guide on how to turn a spring break hook-up into a relationship, if you’re really falling for your fling. Get ready for an awesome break—and potential new partner!
Step 1: Make your intentions clear
If you go into spring break knowing you want a relationship out of it, be sure your hook-up is on the same page. Try saying something like, “I can’t wait to hang out when we get back!” or, “It’s awesome that we live so close at home.” If he knows you aren’t just looking for a hook-up, he can either let you know it isn’t going to work or keep his sights set on you. Letting him know how you feel up front will prevent heartbreak or potential awkwardness later on.
“I think the first [and] most important step is to be honest with each other about whether [a relationship] is something you both want to pursue,” Dr. Major says. “While you’re in the moment, it might be hard to figure that out, but shortly after, once some of the party dust has settled just a bit, that can be a conversation that you both have. The key part is that you both agree to pursue it.”
Dr. Major also mentions that your fling may not be looking for the same thing as you: “Keep in mind, it is spring break, and he may not be interested in anything beyond hooking up today or tonight or for the rest of the trip, so an idea like that may turn him off. But this is about you feeling good about what’s happening, so if a relationship is what you’re looking for then claim that, stand in that dream and don’t back down from it.”
Step 2: Get to know each other
The atmosphere of spring break (read: so many shirtless men and margaritas) can make it hard to focus on reality. If you’re serious about turning your fling into a relationship, it’s crucial to be sure you really know the person. Your crush may seem like your perfect match amidst all the drinks and fun, but outside of spring break, he or she could be totally different. “Getting an idea of where he’s headed or wants to go in life will give you a really good sense of how well your lives will mesh together once your back home,” Dr. Major says. Try going out to dinner—just the two of you—to see how much you have in common. If you really know what you’re getting into and still feel the same way about him or her, you can take the next step in becoming a real thing.
“People are often a lot ‘different’ when they’re on vacation than when they’re at home in their normal routine,” Dr. Major adds. “So the person you met on spring break may not be the person he is when he’s in his natural environment. That’s where the ‘getting to know each other’ on a deeper level beyond the break comes into play. The sooner you can ask some deeper questions and have more meaningful conversations, the sooner you’ll be able to figure that out.”
If the person you’re with is the guy who hasn’t worn a shirt all weekend, always has a Natty Light in hand and is constantly flirting with other people, it should be pretty clear that he or she isn’t S.O. material. Find someone who you have a lot in common with and like for their personality, not their abs.
Step 3: Have “the talk”
If the end of spring break is rolling around and you’re still crazy about your crush, you two should have a serious talk about what’s next. If you’re both on the same page about wanting to continue the relationship, decide when you’ll see each other next. If you go to school close to one another (or even at the same school), it shouldn’t be hard to schedule a date or time to hang out. If you don’t go to school near one another, you have to be sure you’re ready for the commitment of a long-distance relationship.
So, how do you approach the conversation? Dr. Major suggests: “You can say something like, ‘Wow, I’m having such a really great time with you. I really don’t want this feeling to end. I know it might be hard, but I wish there was a way to keep this going,’ then wait for a response. That way, you’ve made it okay and not awkward to talk about the elephant in the room. You may or may not get the response you were looking for, but at least you can feel good about being brave enough to go for it!”
He also says, “It’s a spring break fling, so chances are you’re probably not from the same place, which means anything long-term may have to be long-distance for a while. If that’s the case, then you both have to be willing to put in that effort.”
Be sure to have this talk before spring break ends so you aren’t left with any confusion or misunderstandings. Having closure will leave you feeling confident about returning to normal life without worrying about where you and your spring break fling stand.
Step 4: Stay connected
Communication is key in any relationship, and it will be the deciding factor in whether or not your spring break fling will last. Continue talking to your guy after break and make sure you both still feel the same way once normal life has resumed. If you keep in touch and can see one another, your relationship is off to a good start. If there’s a lack of communication and you aren’t on the same page, things may begin to go downhill.
Try Dr. Major’s tips for staying connected beyond the break:
- Keep in frequent contact via text/Skype/calls.
- Set a definite date to see each other again soon.
- Talk about the fun you had over break and see if there were some things that they saw/heard/did that you didn’t. Share different perspectives of that shared experience.
- Talk about the people you know and the places you’ve gone. Chances are you may have some people/places and things in common that you didn’t expect!
- Give each other a glimpse into your ‘real worlds’ and your real-world selves. Spring break is a different setting; now it’s time to get to know each other in your natural settings in the midst of your day-to-day routines and see if the chemistry is still there.
If you aren’t ready to say goodbye to your fling once spring break comes to an end, follow our guide and you can hopefully turn it into a relationship. If your feelings are as strong as you think they are, you’ll be able work on transitioning from spring break to normal life. Be yourself and you’re bound to find the hottie of your dreams. Good luck, collegiettes!