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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Sean: How Do I Get A Shy Guy To Approach Me?

Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

Two weeks ago I went to a party and saw this guy I’ve had a crush on for over a year now. I asked him to dance and we ended up dancing and talking all night. He walked me home and even asked for my number (SCORE)! We started texting, but he is super slow when responding. I see him at the gym and in my art class and we always exchange hellos and maybe some small talk. The problem is that he is unbelievably shy and won’t text me first. He’s never had a girlfriend in college and he’s a senior (I’m a sophomore). I also know he moves SUPER slow with girls, which isn’t a problem, other than the fact he’ll only be here for another 3 months. I just want to get to know him more and see how things go from there, but I feel like if I keep initiating things, I will seem overbearing and desperate. How can I get him to open up and be less shy around me as well as start to initiate talking more? And is it even worth it?! – Discombobulated at Denison

Discombobulated,

I love your energy on this!

So he’s a bit timid when it comes to the dating game? The first thing you have to do is to gain his trust. Some guys are just shyer than others and as a result, have a tough time when meeting someone new. While every person is different, I’d suggest that he’s shy because he’s unsure of what to expect in a relationship. I’d also suspect that he’s not sure of your interest level.

Next time you guys hang out, don’t be afraid to be flirtier with your body language. When you laugh, throw your hand on his knee and smile big. Lean into the conversation when he’s talking and genuinely listen. Subtleties like this can communicate big messages. In addition, by communicating your trust of him, he may open up a bit more. Keep initiating the conversation as you have been doing, but do nothing more. For example, if a texting conversation fizzles out naturally, leave it until the next day. This will keep you from appearing “desperate.”

Now comes the trickier bit. Without overthinking the subject, think about what could potentially happen in the future. Let’s say you two do finally get together. What will happen at the end of the year? You still have a lot of college ahead of you, and long-distance on a relationship, which will have just started, is a tall order.  If you’re looking for something serious, it may not be the best idea to pursue anything, especially if after graduation, he leaves the area completely. I know that when I graduate, the last thing I’d want is a long-distance relationship tying me to the university from which I just graduated.

It’s great to read that you’re only looking to get to know him though in the meantime. I was afraid that you’d be to dive into something immediately. While you are in the flirtationship stage though, don’t forget to think about the future. Things may go great between now and the end of the semester, but that’s also when things are due to change, drastically.

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Sean is a senior at the University of Pittsburgh majoring in communications and minoring in film studies. Attending NYU in the fall to pursue a Masters in Journalism, Sean enjoys writing about virtually anything. In his time at Pitt, Sean has worked as a DJ for an automotive program on campus and abroad in London.Sean is originally from Rhode Island, which is far from Pittsburgh, but he is fond of the scenic drive. Sean likes tea instead of coffee, photography, and fire alarm testing (through his cooking). Sean also enjoys playing guitar and piano, skiing, golfing, and practical jokes. You can follow Sean on Twitter at @seanmcfarland1.
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