Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
I’ve been hanging out with this guy for five months now. It started as a casual hook-up and then he started texting me and we went out on a few really good dates. I’ve been seeing him every weekend for the past five months. About two months ago, we finally made things “official.” But now it feels like pulling teeth to see him. We still hang out every weekend, but we hardly ever do anything besides drink and watch TV. He never talks to me at all during the week, even if I text him first. I know he works Monday through Friday but he’s home by 5… and he’s always “too busy and tired” to hang out. He has 100 percent control of this relationship and I can feel him backing off. How do I turn things around? – Frustrated at FSU
Frustrated,
Sometimes, when you look back on your relationship, you can see signs of it going bad before it actually happens. For dudes, for example, if she repeatedly claims she’s looking for an “emotional soul mate” on the first date, you shouldn’t be too surprised if you find her stalking you with binoculars to see if you’re cheating on her.
In this case, however, it doesn’t look like you had many early signs that things would move south. Based on what you’ve told me, I’m surprised he committed in the first place.
There is literally nothing worse than finding out the person you’re dating is a deadbeat. I’d imagine that if things were as difficult as they are now, you wouldn’t have dove into this relationship. Relationships are a two-way street. If he’s been going through an especially stressful time at work, he should at least communicate that to you. However, I suspect that this isn’t the case.
Guys can be expert liars. Yes, I have days that run so long that all I want to do is be alone for a bit. However, on the most exhausting days, even relaxing or napping with my lady friend would be preferred to just not seeing her at all. On the other hand, even I have admittedly lied on a couple occasions to one of my exes. I was just too exhausted and wanted to be alone, but for some reason (I don’t know why), I would just lie and tell her I was too busy to hang out. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but in retrospect, it was a pretty destructive relationship, so that may be why. But I digress.
Especially since you guys haven’t been dating long, he should at least be “busy and tired” in your company. If he’s tired, nap together. If he’s busy with classes, hit the library together (and actually study). I don’t think that he’s not interested in you, but I do think that he’s a bit lazy when it comes to putting work into a relationship. You can’t just sit back and have everything come together like it does in the movies. Regardless, you should do what makes you happy, and if this relationship just isn’t working out, then perhaps it’s time to move on.
It’s really not good that, as you said, he has 100 percent control over your relationship. If you’re unhappy sitting around drinking and watching television, then say so! Insist on seeing him, sit him down, and talk things out. Tell him how you feel and how things just aren’t working well at the moment. Make sure that you’re a priority in his life, because at least for now, it sounds like he won’t make plans because you’re a bit of a weekend girlfriend. You two should be working together and genuinely want to see one another. If he’s “too busy” or tired to make time for you, then why should you keep trying to keep things going?