Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two and a half years, and to me, everything has been going great- until he recently started texting a girl in his class who supposedly has questions about her assignments- 24/7. I’ve talked to him about it before and it always leads to a fight because she’s just a friend and a really nice girl. I told him it made me uncomfortable when she texted him at 3 in the morning and he got really upset. Am I overreacting or is this something serious? — Worrisome at Wisconsin
You’re asking this question to the right Real Live College Guy. I answered a similar question a few weeks ago and, lucky for you, your boyfriend’s texter isn’t actively trying to steal him away. If there’s a silver lining here, that’s it.
However, you’re still upset, which is fair in this situation. To avoid fights in the future, ease into the conversation. Don’t bombard him with questions about who she is, what she wants, etc. Just flow, Worrisome, flow.
If he brings up the girl and/or class in the future, be inquisitive but not invasive. Ask what he’s doing in class and sound genuinely interested (if you aren’t already). When the opportunity presents itself, see if he’ll dish on whether the classmate is involved in this project/assignment or not.
Maybe he won’t bring her up and there’s the chance that even mentioning her will upset him. If you find this to be the case, just notice his mannerisms and behavior. Don’t turn into Drake and go through his texts, but take note to see if he becomes more distant or flaky. That classmate might not actually just be a friend if either behavior becomes the norm.
With both methods in mind, tell him how you feel. Now, don’t constantly remind him—that would be unnecessary and pushy. But be calm and cool. Tell him that you’re worried and be confident in letting him know that you feel uncomfortable about this girl’s texting behavior.
Approaching him once—with a collected head—is enough. Doing it more than once will lead to more fights. Driving him away through fighting is the last thing you want, so judge how to bring up the late-night texter and let him know you’re worried.