Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives. College-aged men are walking paradoxes, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be understood. Read and discover how to deal with their good, bad and (oftentimes) confusing mannerisms.
I recently met this guy who is everything I’m looking for in a guy. The only problem is, I can’t tell if he’s into me or not. He’s so much more talkative around his friends than he is with me, and most of the time, I feel as though I’m the only one making conversation. When we’re texting or talking online, though, he’s much easier to talk to – he’ll make jokes and give me more than the conclusive conversation-enders that he seems to do when we’re together in person. So what’s the deal? Is he shy, or is he not really into me? – Dealing with Two-Faced at DePauw
Dear Dealing with Two-Faced,
Well, yeah. He’ll always be more talkative with his buddies, no matter the amount of college football chatter you contribute. However, don’t let these situations dictate your “likeability” barometer.
Here’s why: a guy won’t typically parade you around his friends as a girlfriend. Unless you two have a lengthy history and his friends know you well, he’ll be very shy. It’s not that he doesn’t like you – there’s a great chance he likes you a lot. However, he’s probably still not comfortable in bridging the gap between you and his friends when you all hang.
“Comfort” is the key word here. For all guys, there’s a definite difference between the way he’ll interact with his friends and the way he’ll interact with a woman he’s interested in. Reason being, he already has an established connection and comfort with his friends. He’ll always act differently because the dynamics between male-to-friend relationships and male-to-crush relationships require different behaviors. He also knew his friends first, so he has to spend more energy socializing with them than he does with a recent crush. If he doesn’t, they’ll feel just as slighted as you do now. So, even though he may act differently toward them than he does toward you, don’t worry that he’s not being himself or he’s not interested. In both cases, he probably is – it’s just that he acts differently depending on the situation and whom he’s with.
Case in point, he feels a greater ease talking with you online. When you’re talking online or over the phone, he typically doesn’t have to talk frat parties, new Wiz Khalifa leaks or the NBA lockout. He’s outside of the (occasionally judgmental) presence of his friends, so he can automatically tailor all conversation toward you.
Now, that being said, you have options. If he’s worth the awkward mannerisms when you join for friend time, be upfront: ask if you two could hang out alone. Hanging out solo with a pretty girl usually always piques a guy’s interest. This will build that crucial comfort level. Those jokes he always cracks when you’re texting/Skyping? He’ll be more likely to drop a few when it’s only you he’s around. Minimize the audience he has to play to, and you’ll get a better feel for whether or not he really cares.