Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
I’ve had a crush on a guy for a while and everyone says we’re really flirty. The problem is, he’s good friends with my ex. I asked him out and he said no, but we hang out a lot, call each other all the time, and will even cuddle sometimes. There’s clearly a lot of sexual tension. I’m afraid if I talk to him about it, I’ll risk losing a friend. What should I do? –Ex’ed Out at Eckerd
This is a situation that’s touchy for all guys: do you get together with your best friend’s ex? When is it appropriate? Is it ever appropriate?
Thus, you’ve got yourself a quagmire. The only evidence you can use is contextual and might take some time to discover. However, talking could work. You just have to ascertain how comfortable he is discussing the topic.
If you hang out and talk a lot, chances are you could discuss what’s going on between you two. You seem to have an open friendship, even if there is that little problem of your ex-boyfriend. Bring the topic up and ask him: “What’s going on between us?”
Chances are he’ll side with the feelings of his friend. He won’t want to date and might be hesitant to act on the sexual tension. If there’s one unspoken rule between males, it’s that you do not date, hook-up with or kiss a friend’s ex. Now, that’s not to say that he would be completely opposed to the idea until the end of time; however, he’ll probably tread lightly for the foreseeable future because of your past history with his buddy.
If you like him, don’t get discouraged. Let time pass and see if there’s still a flame. He’ll be less reluctant to date or hook up if he feels that his friend has moved on. There isn’t a definitive time frame for this occurring, but that’s something that you and he will have to judge for yourselves.