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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Pat: I Grinded With My Guy Friend, Is He Into Me?

If you looked up “hopeless romantic” in the dictionary, Real Live College Guy Pat would be standing there smiling and waving back to you. As a college guy himself, Pat has witty opinions on all the stupid situations guys seem to end up in. From relationships, to friends with benefits, to altogether lacks thereof, Real Live College Guy Pat has all your answers and more!

I have had a crush on one of my guy friends for a while now. A few weeks back our friend group was hanging out and he and I ended up holding hands and being kind of touchy. I tried not to think anything of it because our friends tend to be the cuddling type. On Halloween he and I ended up dancing really intensely. I don’t know, I can’t really describe it, but it was not normal friendly dancing. Extremely sexual and touchy. Even after we stopped dancing we were talking and touchy etc., etc. Afterwards I found out that he was 100% sober. Here I was thinking that this must have meant something, but his best friend told one of my friends (I know how high school this is) that he didn’t mean it like that. I am so confused. I haven’t spoken to him since then, and I honestly don’t know how. I don’t want it to be awkward, but should I read into his actions? – What? at WashU


I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s already awkward if you haven’t talked in a few weeks. If he hasn’t made an effort to talk to you in that span of time, he most likely doesn’t want to. Therefore, yes, you should read into his actions now and assume he doesn’t want to talk. If his best friend is involved and talking about it, it means your boy doesn’t have the nerve to bring it up to you himself and is hoping word trickles down the line your way. This could mean he’s trying to be nice and spare your feelings or he could simply have no guts. It’s a toss-up.

Dancing doesn’t really mean anything to guys. As girls, you read into everything. As guys, we read into nothing. If we’re dancing with you, it just means we want to dance with you and probably are hoping something more comes from it later that night like a hook-up. We know that the closer and more intimate it gets on the dance floor, the more likely you are to want to come home with us. Guys know the tricks: grab your attention, and make you think about us all night. That way, no matter how big of a jerk we are, it always leaves the door open for a hook-up down the road. I’m not saying I do this, I’m not saying he did this, and I’m not saying I condone it. I’m simply saying that it happens a lot and it sounds like it happened to you.

My advice on where to go from here? Forget this loser. If you haven’t talked to him since this happened, I think it’s going to be difficult to be friends. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have. Try reaching out to him, maybe you’ll surprise each other and be able to rekindle what appears to be a broken friendship. Don’t hold out hope though. If you need a better idea of what’s going on in his head, don’t be afraid to ask your friends. He’s clearly talking about the situation to them, so they may have some more specific insight to your situation. Ultimately, don’t let this bad scenario get you down. When it comes to looking for someone who puts a smile on your face when the sun is out, you typically won’t find him while the sun is down. Keep this in mind and a smile on your face and things are sure to turn around. 

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Pat is a Junior at Merrimack College in North Andover, MA studying Psychology and Communications. Pat plans on pursuing a Master's degree upon graduation, but after that his future plans lie unknown on a blank page, much like his next article. When asked what he wants to do "when he grows up", he simply replies "Make a difference in the world." Pat is a contributing writer for his college's newspaper, The Beacon, and has his own blog. He also openly admits to having read the entire Twilight series and that The Notebook is one of his all time favorite movies. In his spare time, Pat is a diehard Boston Red Sox fan, loves the game of basketball, all things Harry Potter, and enjoying what little free time he can squeeze out of a day. Readers can follow Pat via Twitter at @patbradley99
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