Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
All my life I have been every guy’s “best friend” and I was ok with that because I wasn’t all that into dating. Now that I’m in college it seems like it’s getting worse. I really want to have an actual relationship, and not just be every guy’s best friend. I don’t change for anyone, and I always just be myself and don’t act fake. Any ideas on how to go from every guy’s best friend to just one guy’s girlfriend? – Boys’ Best Friend at Bentley
I’m assuming that some sexy man-beast has piqued your new interest in transitioning from punching bag to object of desire. As such, my first morsel of advice would be to surround yourself with a few more females, as your question leads me to believe that you’re mostly friends with men. By seeing how girls interact with guys that aren’t “friends,” you can better equip yourself for the tricky art of macking. As for any specific man, address your feelings with yourself first and—if they are indeed genuine—address them to him next. After all, if you are indeed in the dreaded friend-zone, it’s entirely likely he’s ignorant of your changing interests. Honesty is your best policy. Also, it won’t hurt to be a tad patriarchal—succumb to a good push-up bra and explore the makeup counter at Sephora—and look damn fine while you remind him that you are indeed a member of the opposite sex. Â
I met a really great guy in my orientation group only to find out he’s an exchange student from Germany. We’ve been flirting a lot and having fun but he has a girlfriend back home. It’s not just me initiating the flirting but I feel guilty because of his girlfriend. Could any of this actually be real or do you think it’s just a game? – Weak in the Knees at Williams
I’m probably a horrible person when it comes to questions like these—I understand there’s a thing called “girl-code”…or something—as I would find it a tad difficult to respect the wishes of some chick across the Atlantic that I have no prior knowledge of. The honest truth, in my opinion, is that if this guy’s flirting with you too, then either his relationship isn’t as secure as his girlfriend may think, or he’s a total d-bag. Whichever side you think he may be on will give you an answer to your plight. If the flirting is mutual, then don’t stress yourself with the question of his foreign girlfriend. Oh, that loud clap of thunder you just heard? That was millions of girls wishing my imminent demise. Don’t you worry about me for a second. You just go on ahead with your mysterious, foreign gentleman.
How do you know if a guy is being genuinely nice or he just wants to get some? – Skeptical at Skidmore
You don’t. And, often, they’re one and the same. But even if he’s only in it for a quick lay, if you’re a true Lady (capital “L”), you’ll pick up on that before anything detrimental to your virtue happens. With most cases like these, the slime dripping off of these dudes can be seen from a mile away. A true gentleman opens the door for you because it’s polite; he lets you order first at dinner because it’s polite; a true gentleman isn’t nice because he wants some—he’s nice because his Mom raised him right. The only way to tell the difference is to continue to get to know him while keeping your feelings at bay until you’re sure.
I like a guy who’s two years younger than I am. He seems to be interested in me, too. I’m pretty inexperienced in the field of boys and hooking up. I’m shy and don’t know how to make a move. How can I making it work without embarrassing myself? – Timid at Tufts
Dear TT, usually I would bleat that age-different relationships rarely, if ever, work out. Needless to say, many women don’t share this belief—see the few comments my columns (Exhibit A) have garnered if you need any proof. But, it is what it is. Younger coeds have burned me before, and I try and refrain from allowing it to happen again. HOWEVER, with this case, I could see it working. A younger guy may be good for you – he’ll understand your inexperience and see it as a means of empowering his own masculinity. If you have class with this man-beast, try sitting next to him and offering to help him with any coursework he may feel is overwhelming—don’t hesitate to brag about your extra years of experience in college (scholastically, at least). See if he’d like to get dinner sometime to get to know one another. It’s the 21st-century; ladies can’t wait around forever if they see something they want. Take a page out of Demi’s book and rustle yourself up some cougar-bait.